So, C.J. asked them, and I’m answering.
1. Do you have the same threesome fantasies that we do and if so, what’s the right way of going about making a threesome happen?
I do. My fantasies are for two men, and I sometimes think that most guys are less ok with that than the alternative. I don’t blame them, really, I’m definitely too straight to sleep with another woman. I’d fondle her boobs, but that’d be about it, so I’m sure the dude would be all “this is lame”, zip up and walk out. Making it happen? Is by presenting it, making sure you reiterate constantly during said presentation that it’s totally on the woman’s terms and walking away from it.
2. And how do we make it happen with your best friend?
You ask the best friend, see if she’s down, and if she is, we stop being best friends and you have a better chance. If she’s not, we stop being boyfriend/girlfriend anyway and then you’re a stranger, which also gives you a better chance.
3. If I leave the door open when I’m peeing because I don’t want to miss the game, are you going to be upset?
No. I’m all about being open with natural bodily functions with your partner. At least the dude being so. Pissing is cool. Filling the house with your death cloud is not though.
4. Can you pay the bill if I leave my wallet at home?
I can try, or I can run really fucking fast if you leave the table under the guise of taking a piss but are really starting the car up.
5. Are you really turned on by having sex during your period?
No. Not at all. I’ve done it before, but it was on the last day, it was his bed/sheets/towel and his idea. Worked out well.
6. Who would you side with, me or your best friend?
It totally depends on who’s right. Or who has a Green & Black’s bar to bribe me with.
7. Why do you have to tell me about how hot Johnny Depp is?
The same reason I have to gush about how hot every other hot guy is. I’m a lustful creature.
8. What if I can’t remember your mom’s name?
I could care less.
9. Should I call your mom, “mom”?
No. I will never call your mom, “mom”. You may call mine by her first name.
10. Does body hair really bother you so much that you’d make me go through the same amount of pain that you experience when you give birth? If you think that’s an exaggeration, think about the fact that you think giving birth is the most painful thing that could happen to you and recognize that we can’t understand that pain so how can you say that a guy getting waxed doesn’t nearly equally giving birth.
I will be the first woman in existence to admit that the comparison is valid. But my contractions were completely painless, so what do I know? And yes, back hair bothers me that much. All other hair, as long as I can see your skin beneath it, is totally fine.
11. You check out other guys too, don’t you?
All the time.
12. If yes, does that mean that your gender is naturally hypocritical?
No, it just means we’re liars.
13. Farting is a natural biological operation. I realize that’s not a question but I thought you should know.
I totally agree. Feel free to let one rip.
14. Is it the size of the boat or the motion of the ocean?
Heh. You’re asking me? I would say that I’d prefer a big’un if I had to pick.
15. Do you poo?
Regularly.
16. How do we make the first kiss less awkward? Standing there, waiting for you to go in your door and wondering if we’re supposed to kiss you or walk away isn’t easy for us.
Just fucking do it. Be smooth though. Let your arms linger around our waist after the hug should be over, fingertips on the small of our back. Reach up with one hand and pretend to move our hair behind our ears, or just stroke our cheek. Cup our jaw and go in for the kill. That romantic, sappy shit totally works.
17. Can I have a gun?
Can I shoot you with it?
18. What if my best friend accidentally sees the naked pictures I took of you?
Don’t care.
19. When is the appropriate time in our relationship to start calling you my old lady?
Never.
20. Roses. Do you really want roses?
No. How about a gift card to the local movie theater, or
21. If we have a fight and I know you’re wrong and you know you’re wrong, why do I still have to be the first one to apologize?
Because you probably said some really fucked up shit that supersedes my wrongness in the heat of the argument. And even if you didn’t, I think you did.
22. Can I still be friends with my ex?
Depends on whether she still wants you/you talk about her like she’s the hottest thing walking or you still love her/you have kids/etc. It depends.
23. Do you believe in the Sasquatch?
No. But I don’t not believe either.
24. If I can devour a Big Mac in 45 seconds, is that hot? My buddies think it’s pretty cool.
Not hot, but really fucking impressive.
25. Speaking of my buddies, if I go out with them one night, what time should I come home? And don’t act like my mother about it.
Whenever you want.
26. Will you still love me when my six pack suddenly becomes a keg?
Definitely.
P.S. if think my tits are worthy of winning a contest, vote for #23 over at Lotus’ place.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Totally agree with most of those.
Except the naked pics. Who took the pics? Why haven’t I seen them? Unless you want your own naked pic leaked to oh, your IN-LAWS, you better give ‘em back, bucko.
Oh wait. I TOOK the naked pics. And sent them to him…
Heh.
Forgot about that.
Carry on.
(insomniac ramblings courtesy of a 3 year old foot in my head…)
I love your honesty. You crack me up.
I always wondered if guys show the naked pictures of their girlfriend to their friends.
I would like to second your answers to every question. Except the Big Mac thing – only because some guys feel the need to do it too often, and that shit gets old.
Well done and answered.
Excellent answers. Good questions. I especially like the answer to the roses question. Movie GC or tickets work at any time. Flowers die, dude.
Well asked and well answered :)
19. When is the appropriate time in our relationship to start calling you my old lady?
Never.
BEST.
Okay so maybe it’s not sexxy when he does it but what about when *I* do it? Oh wait – I hate big macs. How ’bout a Quarter Pounder?
P.S. I voted for your hott boobs.
*sigh* so straight and so taken But You ROXORZ! What a fun read :)
“21. If we have a fight and I know you’re wrong and you know you’re wrong, why do I still have to be the first one to apologize?
Because you probably said some really fucked up shit that supersedes my wrongness in the heat of the argument. And even if you didn’t, I think you did.”
BEST ANSWER EVER.
Just a second comment to ask if it’s bad that I saw some “Bewbs” on Sarcastic Mom and said to myself “Those look like Maria’s.” And then saw that you were actually IN that poll?!?
love this.
love.
and i SO don’t want roses either. heh.
I’m with you on most of that, ‘cept for 1&2. I’ll let you wonder about that because I’ll never say!
I KNEW those were your knockers! hawt!
If I were a guy I’d totally ask you to marry me. ;)
Okay, so HOW have I not met you? Because I am SO in love with you. Let’s get married.
Interesting choice of questions. Can’t say I’d ask any of them.
I do rather enjoy threesomes involving her, him, and me.
And can you please direct me to the contest which involves a body part that is actually serves some sort of function for an adult? Thank you.
I love #26… sometimes that six pack can come back ;).
The rest was pretty okay too LOL!