Avitable: Peas in a Pod
*I want to be Avitable when I grow up. I want to not wear pants and have my own line of condoms and hang out with Miss Britt all day. The only thing is though - he doesn’t eat fried chicken. Like, he’s never eaten fried chicken. Ever. And I’m 1/2 black and was raised in the South, folks; I need my fried chicken. So, I guess I’ll have to settle for borrowing Avitable for a guest post instead of being him. *
Hi. I’m Avitable. This is a picture of me:
I know, I know. The first thing you’re thinking is that I totally look just like Maria. We get that a lot! People mix us up constantly, and to be frank, it’s pretty awesome. We can switch places and do so all the time. She goes to work for me, I watch her kids for her, and nobody notices the difference! So, in order to capitalize on this, here are 10 additional ways that Maria and I are similar:
10. Maria is 24 and has two beautiful daughters that she loves. I was at one point 24 and have two high school students locked in my basement that I love.
9. Maria grew up a poor black child, just like Steve Martin. I am pale and kind of awkward, just like Steve Martin.
8. Maria was asked to speak at BlogHer. I was asked to keep 100 meters away from anyone attending BlogHer.
7. Maria doesn’t believe in regrets. I don’t believe in shame.
6. Maria’s name means “Mary of the Rosary” and she was named after the Virgin Mary. My name means “A Mary who Loses his Anal Virginity in Prison.”
5. Maria’s voting for Obama because he’s the best candidate. I’m voting for Obama because he’s very articulate.
4. Maria was born in Compton. I drove really quickly through Compton once.
3. Maria got kicked out of a mommy group for expressing her opinion and she was furious. I got kicked out of a PTA meeting for furiously masturbating.
2. Maria thinks Jonathan Rhys Meyers is hot. I think Jonathan Rhys-Davies is hot.
1. Maria has quite a set of balls and exposes liars and fakes constantly. I have quite a set of balls and expose them constantly.
Do you see now? We’re practically identical twins!
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September 22nd, 2008 at 12:13 am
Hahahahahahahahaha
How can I love you more?!
This post, that’s how.
Hahaha
Anyone who references The Jerk rocks.
Maria rocks - and is brave - because she let you post here.
I LOVE EVERYONE!
Time to go to bed.
Night night!
The latest from Sybil Law…Thai Erd
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:24 am
Bwahahah I love this guy.
The latest from Ashley…I LOVE it!
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:30 am
I’d pay good money to be able to pinch your ass cheeks, just once.
Avitable or Maria.
I’m not fussy.
The latest from Redneck Mommy…My Geekiness and a Giveaway! Freebies!
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:32 am
[...] If you can't get enough of me, go read my guest post at the Immoral Matriarch's! [...]
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 am
I totally should have used the picture that had the penis in it. Damn!
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:35 am
damn. you must have a hard time remembering if you are maria or not with all those similarities
LOL
The latest from Jobthingy…present day!
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:08 am
LOL! the really funny part is, besides the huge boobs…I think I resemble Avitable more than Maria. Is that bad?
:)
The latest from illegitimateAngel…"You never had game, you were just a slut"
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:37 am
I almost pissed myself. I swear.
September 22nd, 2008 at 1:57 am
#2 - They aren’t the same person? Hmmm. Leave it up to Adam to bust myths for me.
Do you guys share your own secret language?
The latest from Miss…Ocean Sized Love
September 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 am
Hilarious and priceless!!
I think you should consider adding the fried chicken to your list of similarities =)
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:56 am
Too funny @ voting for Obama cause he’s articulate. That works for me.
No regrets, I feel you.
A Compton, CA. beauty, I see you.
There’s something gangster about getting kicked out of a mommy group. Express yourself, that makes a world of a difference.
The latest from don…Nasty Girl
September 22nd, 2008 at 4:39 am
Avitable - that was freaking hilarious. Good seeing you over here.
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September 22nd, 2008 at 8:21 am
That’s hilarious!
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September 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 am
I got kicked out of a Mommy Group too!
Can I be the third pea in the pod?
The latest from Miss Britt…I Need Your Help
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 am
I love Maria and I love Avitable. WILL THE COINCIDENCES NEVER CEASE?
This is spooky shit, dude.
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September 22nd, 2008 at 9:58 am
Great post! Made me laugh on a Monday morning which is pretty much unheard of.
The latest from Mandy…Overcome… Overcame
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:48 am
I found that post bizarre and rather disturbing. Maybe if I had known you better, that post would have made perfect sense and I’d find it hilarious like everyone else. …… I think I’ll go on hiatus til Maria comes back. I’ll be back in mid October.
I’m quite aware that none of you know who I am and that my presence won’t be missed.
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:50 am
Ha! It took 16 comments. Who had 16 in the pool of how long it would take before someone without a sense of humor read this post?
September 22nd, 2008 at 10:53 am
Love it! Though seriously, try the fried chicken.
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September 22nd, 2008 at 12:32 pm
So just because I don’t find what you posted humorous, I’m lacking a sense of humor? Please, there could be nothing further from the truth, I have a sense of humor. I just don’t find you to be funny. And that could be because I don’t know you well enough to get your jokes. Or maybe you’re just not funny to me, because you try too hard to be funny and I find that pathetic. Whatever series of events lead me to the opinion that you’re not funny, isn’t important. I’m still entitled to that opinion. And it doesn’t mean that I’m in some way lacking in the ability to laugh or comprehend jokes. I have many flaws, but the inability to find humor in something isn’t one that I had the misfortune of being afflicted with.
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Oh my goodness! I am laughing really hard! Mar…I mean Avitable, you to are TOTAL twinsies :-)
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September 22nd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Practically identical!
I hope you’re taking care of those kids in the basement.
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September 22nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
All I have to say, is that I can never look at that shade of purple again without thinking of squirrels.
Hello, Mr. Avitable!
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September 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Holy shit. Is that a color issue with the photograph, or are you experiencing chafing from that purple sling you’re wearing?
Damn. Avitable and Maria in one place. It’s like peanut butter and chocolate!
The latest from manager mom…Manager Mom’s Gallery Of Shame, Part 2
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
looove it!
The latest from .Ophelia Mourne….
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
dd you just call ‘ticket #1″ thats me…I’ll take in a heart beat sweaty balls in all
The latest from Georgie…Nuttin’
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:19 pm
how oh how oh how the f are we supposed to tell you two apart? this is going to be so fricking confusing!
oh my god i just can’t handle the confusion. someone get me a drink! why can’t i get a fricking drink around here!
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September 23rd, 2008 at 7:40 am
No words. I have no words.
Nice shade of purple, BTW :D
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September 23rd, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Maria, you have the best guest posters ever! I dig him.
The latest from Mrs. Kitty…Be Right Back
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Cracking up!
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September 24th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
11) You both “make” Katie click on links that she really, really wishes she never ever did.
November 19th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
LMAO