Basic Etiquette 101
Tuesday was blogging 101. Yesterday, commenting. Today - etiquette:
1. Do not ask people to put you on their blogroll. They will when [if] they want to/when [if] they get a chance.
2. Be polite and engage your audience. I always try to visit the blog of a new commentator and comment their latest post, as well as reply to their comment via email. Just to let them know that I do really appreciate the fact that they took time out of their day to stop by and leave a note over here. Of course, there have been times where I didn’t because I missed it or I forgot or whatever, so if I didn’t do that to you - my apologies. Don’t hate me.
3. Be aware that emotion and tone does not always come through via words on a screen, so be clear. Sometimes sarcasm can be taken as seriousness, sometimes bluntness can come across as bitchiness. Things are easily lost in translation. I experienced this a few months ago when I made a self deprecating joke and it was taken the wrong way by another blogger. I was mortified and very sorry that I hadn’t made myself more clear. Not a good feeling. No matter how bitchy I am - I really prefer that people like me unless they have reason or the feeling is mutual.
4. Do not get your feelings hurt if people don’t seem to acknowledge your presence at their blog. Like, you leave comments pretty regularly and they never ever respond, or pay you a return visit. It happens. This could be happening for many reasons such as:
In any case - there are millions of other blogs you can peruse. Most of them will like you. Hell, I’ve taken the time to send emails and fill out contact forms telling people that I really like their blog and heard nothing back. I didn’t take it personal, - after a while I just said ‘Well fuck you, your mom sucks rooster cock‘ in my head and moved it along.
5. Do not trash another blogger, or kiss their asses. Unless you’re literally dumping garbage on their head or performing analingus, your space should be devoted to you, not a shrine to someone else.
6. Don’t comment things like ‘Well, I know you’ll never read my post‘ or ‘I know you never come to my blog‘ or anything of the sort. Passive Aggressiveness - not cool. If you want them to visit you that badly, how about being direct and saying ‘Hey! Check out my blog!’
7. Do not hesitate to hit ‘Mark All As Read’ in your feed reader. If you feel pressured to read everything by everyone, you’ll get burned out. Plus, anyone who expects you to comment on every single one of their posts is delusional, and anyone who notices and returns the favor [ie, stops reading/commenting you] wasn’t coming to your blog for the right reasons anyway.
8. Do not be afraid to just stop reading. If you realize in the course of a blog relationship that you don’t like another blogger, or you’re just skimming their words, or that you no longer find them interesting, just take them out of your reader. I mean, why not? If they’re offended tell them ‘It’s just the internet‘.
9. Don’t take everything as a personal slight. Like I said in the beginning, just because some of these things may have been applicable to you, it does not mean I was talking to you. That is applicable to all types of blogs, bitchfests, rants, raves, etc. If you read something and take offense to it, that’s your problem - not theirs.
***
Now - here’s some miscellaneous stuff that I either forgot to put in the other posts, or doesn’t fit anywhere:
1. Full feeds. I am *very* unlikely to click through on partial feeds. It annoys the shit out of me. It doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get more comments, or that you’ll get more impressions on your ads. Probably less, because people will purposefully not click over. I became a hypocrite a short while ago for a week or so when someone informed me that my feed was being scraped to another site who didn’t respond to me emails. I received complaints and realized that it wasn’t just me that hated that shit. It’s most people. Even worse - when you make so there’s not even an excerpt - only the title shows up. Goddddd. That’s annoying. Full feeds!!
2. Don’t link your own posts in someone else’s comments. It’s beyond tacky.
3. Awards and memes - there’s no rule that you have to participate in memes or pass along awards. Don’t take offense if you tag someone and they don’t do it. Or if you give them an award and they don’t pass it along. I never pass along awards. I always say thank you, and I’m always very grateful because it really can light up my day sometimes, but I just don’t pass them on. I don’t like being tagged, but usually if I am I’ll do it. I never tag other people. It’s just a matter of personal preference.
4. Remember that the only person that absolutely has to be happy with your blog is you. You can be the exact opposite of everything I’ve written these past three posts, but if you’re happy with your space and your presence in the blogosphere, that is all that matters. You are most important: blogging is absolute narcissism at is finest, so you are all you need to focus on.
OK.
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September 18th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Well fuck you, your mom sucks rooster cock!! :P
this was a great series of posts, thank you. Hopefully people will take your advice.
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September 18th, 2008 at 12:22 am
I have to catch up on your posts (I never miss your posts - I am NOT kissing ass! - but our power was out for days!), but this one is excellent. It should be required reading for Blogging 101.
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September 18th, 2008 at 12:39 am
I really appreciate these posts. I’m pretty new to the blogging world and these are really helpful to me!
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September 18th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Gawd, have you always been this bossy? HA.
Love these posts girly.
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September 18th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Another great post with wonderful tips. This is a great reminder. I do mark as read on some blogs and not others. And I am going to stop commenting on blogs that I don’t really care for - I mean the one that does long azz posts. With no breaks in the paragraphs? Sweet person but I can’t read that mess.
Anyhow, great series you’ve reminded me of some things that I need to remember.
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September 18th, 2008 at 1:00 am
Um, is ‘rooster cock’ redundant? I mean, should it specifically be called ‘rooster wang’ or something, or even ‘cock cock’?
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September 18th, 2008 at 1:01 am
I mostly agree with you, but, I know that sometimes if I begin commenting on certain blogs and get NOTHING…not even an email or comment back…not even once after weeks of commenting, I tend to leave. Not to sound like a self-involved bitch, but there are WAY too many good reads out there to waste my time somewhere that I’m not even appreciated as a reader. I get that people can’t reply to every comment and have their own lives (I do too)…but I try to welcome new readers and visit loyal ones when I can. It’s more than readers to me, I’ve made friends - a community, so to speak. I visit most of the blogs that I do not based on how well they write but because I genuinely care about them.
That said, there are a couple of blogs that are incredibly witty and I still read, although they are notorious in the blog world for not commenting back. I don’t waste my time and click through and only peruse certain posts, but what can I say…they make me laugh alot.
I have no clue what my feeds look like, btw. I never purposely set them one way or another. Oy. I guess I need to figure that one out.
You’re bustin’ my chops today, lady. ;)
Mwah!
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September 18th, 2008 at 1:38 am
rooster cock LOL
September 18th, 2008 at 2:24 am
This has been a great series. I like the way you ended it, too. I know my sidebar is way too cluttered, but it’s my sidebar dammit and I like it. LOL So it’s staying!
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September 18th, 2008 at 3:53 am
number 4 number 4 number 4! My blog persona isn’t busydad just because I like the pretty letters. I appreciate EVERYONE and I try my ASS off to visit everyone who comes to my blog, but fuck, I work from 7:15am to 7:15pm and have a kid, and a wife who is not a blogger. See where I’m going with this? Thank you for saying it.
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September 18th, 2008 at 4:28 am
That was very thorough. Thanks. This should get published somewhere.
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September 18th, 2008 at 4:29 am
p.s. thanks for hitting the awards, I got one once and didn´t know what the hell I was supposed to do.
The latest from Bluestreak…Dumb. Just dumb. And funny.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:14 am
Oh, I HATE Partial feeds!!! And some of my favorite blogs have them and I HONESTLY have considered deleting them from my bloglines on principle alone…
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September 18th, 2008 at 8:17 am
Well I know you’ll probably never read my blog…HAHA
The latest from Tiffany…Thanks Georgie!!
September 18th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Hi there! I just wanted to say that these were a great few posts on blogging. I agree with pretty much all of the them.
I was going to comment today and bring up a bit of a contradiction. But I think you may have sort of resolved it in this post (#4).
In your blogging 101 post, you state do not worry about comments and making money. Blog about what you want. But then, further on down your list, you state “do not use your blog for a baby book, no one wants or cares to read that”.
Well, some people honestly use their blogs for a “baby book”. They want to record all those firsts and all those photos and all those little things that we often forget all about. Yes, you or I may find it boring and dumb, but Grandma and Aunt May across the country find it hilarious. And if that is what the purpose of their blog is, then I say “go for it!”. I personally have no obligation to read it!
So, I guess my comment is to say that really your statement of “no baby book” refers to the blogs you yourself want to read. Not necessarily a statement of good blogging in general. The content really can be whatever the hell you want. If you, the blogger, are happy with it, and you don’t care about making money or getting comments, then that is all that matters. Plus, I have seen some “baby book” blogs that get a lot of comments.
Have a good one!
The latest from Irene…Some days just can’t get any sweeter
September 18th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I love it. I love that you called the guy out for reading one line and leaving some generic comment.
And I agree about the partial feeds. There are some blogs I can only read through my reader at work and if they partial feed it, I just delete them.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:17 am
I expect everyone to comment on each of my posts every fucking day.
And I want legions of asskissers.
And rooster cock tastes like chicken.
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September 18th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Very clever idea this series, Miss Maria.
I will have to check on the feed thing. I’m SO not technical about this stuff.
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September 18th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Absolutely perfect, Maria. I wholeheartedly agree, especially the whole feed thing. Partial feeds usually get skipped over in my Reader…
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September 18th, 2008 at 10:50 am
#1 in Blogging 101 was not really ‘don’t worry about comments/money’ but rather ‘don’t blog for that purpose period‘. Because you’re basically using your commentators, if that’s your purpose, and people don’t like that. It’s easy to spot people like that.
In #5 on that post I said “I think I explained very well how *I* feel about your empty baby book posts here. “ If you check out that link, it’s a post I wrote long ago talking about ‘baby book blogs’. I was definitely, in that sentence, referring to what I personally want to read, which is why I included that link.
The main point of #5 was to say that no matter what you write - make it interesting. I’ll guarantee you that most women that have those types of blogs [if not all of them!] worked very hard to get to the point where they get a lot of comments. And I’m willing to bet that if you visit each one of their commentators - they’re all like that - baby book blogs. There’s no real variety in their readers because it’s not interesting to anyone except the grandparents in real life. I’m assuming that those bloggers take a lot of time out of their life reading and responding to those other blogs to, to maintain their readership. Basically I’m saying that I think baby book blogs mostly have readers that are all about Commenting 101’s #1.
Now - if you make it interesting - that’s an entirely different story. I read a lot of mommy blogs, some of them baby book blogs entirely. But they are good. That’s the kicker. Keep it interesting.
Damn this was the longest comment ever. Basically I can sum it up with how I ended the series. No matter what - all that matters is you, and what you like/want.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Thank you for #7!
The latest from Kori…A To Do List
September 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Oh fuck, I think I asked if I could be on your blogroll once. LOL
Great series, M!
September 18th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I am not technical either I honestly dont know the difference in RSS,Feed burner,readers etc… BUT I am learning…slowly but surely
The latest from Georgie…Double Duty
September 18th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
This entire series is great! Particularly, thanks for the full feed vs. partial feed info. I never know what to do with that damned thing!
The latest from Mama Zen…Welcome To My Home
September 18th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I love how liberal you are with the rules and etiquette. There are so many more things I’d love to be doing as a blogger/reader, but damn that real life keeps interfering!
September 18th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Such good advice here.
I used to comment on a blog that I still read, but when I realized that she doesn’t reciprocate or respond to comments or comment on any other blogs (not just mine) I stopped. It just felt like feeding the beast, you know? I do still read and enjoy, though, which I think is what matters to her anyway.
I’m not sure how that rates on the wrongness scale, but oh well. ;)
September 18th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
And I couldn’t agree more about partial feeds. They chap my ass.
The latest from Gypsy…And the clouds parted
September 18th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Am I sofa king or what? I am clueless as to what you are referring to with the partial and full feeds.
Maria, I think this calls for a Blogging For Dummies post. Seriously.
The latest from Employee No. 3699…Girls’ Weekend Update
September 18th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I know you probably won’t read this, but I added you to my blogroll, so I was hoping you’d add me too, even though I’m a little angry at you because I’ve commented at least 4-5 times on your posts but you’ve only responded to me 3 times!
Also, I tagged you for a meme, so be sure to visit my site!
Lastly, did you take me out of your reader? Just asking because my count went down one from yesterday.
;) (I hope you know this is sarcasm)
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September 18th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Look what a sweet friendly girl you are, giving out all this free advice!! Can you get any cooler?????
The latest from Bunchy…My Big Sister
September 18th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I love that you did this. And I yelled out “YES!” while reading number 4 because I totally used to get stressed out about responding to as many comments as I could because I didn’t want to seem like an asshole (not that I get a kajillion comments, I don’t). But then I snapped out of it and thought “wait…why am I doing this???” I had to remind myself that I am doing the best I can and that if people want to be assholes then eff em.
The latest from cindy…Wednesday Weigh-In
September 18th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
ha ha, i have to admit, i went through going: do i do that? no, good.
good post(s) though!
The latest from Coral…New shoes
September 18th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
OK, Maria, school me…what are full feeds? I have no idea if I do this or not, because I don’t know how feeds work. I’ve tried to subscribe to blogs and I have no idea where to find my subscriptions. I know, I sound pitiful. I really am computer literate but this feed shit has got me stumped!
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September 18th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
:) Ok!
1. Sign up for an account @ feedburner.com.
2. After you sign up, you can burn a feed by cutting and pasting your blog address [thiscouldgetuglier.blogspot.com] into the available box.
3. It may ask you which feed you want to point that way, but it doesn’t matter, just use the one that’s already checked.
4. Do all the other shit it wants you to, or skip it.
5. Hit the publicize tab on your dashboard and make sure to set up and activate the ‘creative commons’ section to protect your feed from stealers.
You should have a full feed.
As far as subscribing - if you’re using firefox and you click the subscribe button or the rss icon in the address bar, it should take you to a screen that asks how you want to subscribe. What I personally do is set it to always use Google, then use my google reader, which is positioned on my igoogle.com homepage and I never miss a post.
I hope I helped, somewhat! *lol*
September 18th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Girl, we are going to publish this and the other one and call it “The Blogger’s Bible”.
I shit you not…you make nothing but valid points.
By the way…you didn’t email me the first time I left a comment.
You suck rooster cocks
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September 18th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Well done Maria. I think you hit the proverbial nail on the head with this one babe :-)
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September 19th, 2008 at 9:43 am
Mrs. 4444 was right, you are a good read. I love this 101 series - not just entertaining, but great reminders on good blogging.
Hope your bloggy break brings you back refreshed…
The latest from JenLive!…Friday Fragments
September 19th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
M’dear this was brilliant and I think, as I move along with my site revamp (thank you a million times over for all your suggestions!) I’m going to link to this in my sidebar. Especially number one. I always feel all “ummmmm” and “welllll” when someone asks me to put them in my blog roll.
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September 19th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Well now I’ll have to think about making my feed be Full. I was just following the lead of some other big-time bloggers when I started out. It worked for me because I could get a sense of what kind of post it was and decide to go read it or not. Also, I mostly use my feed reader to see who’s posted that day. But your perspective intrigues me.
Am I the only one taken by the redundancy of the term “rooster cock” as well as curiosity as to how one’s mother would do so? That thing’s gotta be downright microscopic, right?
And finally, thanks again for these fantastically helpful posts, Maria. Now I feel bad, though, because when you commented at my blog, I responded in my comments instead of e-mailing you. I figured getting an e-mail saying (basically) “Wow thanks for stopping by I love your blog etc.etc.” would be kind of annoying, since I’m betting you get way more e-mails than I do, and I feel overwhelmed sometimes by what I get.
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September 19th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Oh shit, I forgot the rule about super-long comments. You have my permission to throw something at me.
The latest from LiteralDan…Classic quotes, Vol. 7
September 19th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Hey, I have a good reason for the partial feed thing. If someone is reading my blog (and there was one person, in particular at one time reading it obsessively) I want to know who they are. Actually, if a certain person is reading my blog, I want to know it. So, I have partial feeds because if she wants to see what I’m saying she’s gonna have to get her butt over to my site so my sitemeter picks it up, which it does, and I’m clever enough to figure out when she’s trying to hide her identity. That gives me great satisfaction. :-P FWIW
The latest from DFTF…SHTOOPID
September 19th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Maria, these posts have been fantastic. Especially #4 above - helped assuage my guilt about how hard it is to make the rounds.
September 21st, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Rooster cock. Better or worse than horse cock, do you think?
BLOOOOOOGGGG ROOOOOLLLLL MEEEEE!
Have a good hiatus!
The latest from Captain Steve…Passive
September 24th, 2008 at 10:41 am
I’m just now getting to fully read all of these blogging/commenting rules posts(cuz I hate clicking thru my reader to the full posts on lazy days). You crack me the fuck up.
Don’t ever be afraid of offending people- we’re all happily offended, methinks. You can call me out any day of the week!
:8 <– is this smiley supposed to be teabagging? Just wonderin’.
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September 27th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
[...] ?Bloggers who really need to read Maria’s Blogging 101, Commenting 101 , & Basic Etiquette 101 [...]
October 5th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Catching up on my reading today and came across this post. Late. As usual. I LOVE your number 5. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING that irritates me more than blogs that are so busy paying homage to their friends that they have nothing to say except “my friend X is SOOOO wonderful…”. UGH. Hate it.
But I have to disagree with your feeds comment. As one that has been scraped more than once (I know of 4 times, but I’m betting there are more), I no longer put up full feeds. I just got sick to death of my posts appearing on someone elses site with no attribution. Nothing, but nothing can convince me to go full feed anymore. I click through to the partial feeds in my reader. I do it all the time. I figure if I can, then so can people who are regular readers of my blog. Each to their own, right?
Great post.
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