From the category archives:

blogging

Momspotting: a meme

by Maria on February 2, 2010

in blogging

For a few months now, I’ve been been a MomSpotter. It’s a BlogHer thing, officially called the Family Connections citizen journalism project. Pretty much, that means that I tweet a few times a day, with the #momspotting hashtag about how I use technology in my day-to-day parenting life. I’m quite dull really, and the other 19 or so mom’s are better at the whole deal than me, but I have to break up the monotony of my expletive filled rants and complaints with something, right? And you get to learn more about my AWESOME ADORABLE kids because of this, so you win! Anyway, look: I’m answering questions:

(If you like the meme, feel free to do one yourself and leave a link in the comments or tweet it with the #momspotting hashtag so I can come to your blog and see your answers and make fun of you in your comments.)

1.       Which expensive electronic device do you most often let your older children abuse or your baby drool on?

That would be my iPhone. Goobie doesn’t even ask anyone if she cane use it, she just picks it up and disappears. Our agreement is that she’ll never ignore a call or text, since she knows how, and she can use it whenever she likes. I’m not sure she’s living up to her end.

2.       How many take-out restaurant numbers do you have programmed into your phone?

None. Takeout is super rare, it’s either cooking at home or fast food.

3.       How many hours of television do you so totally not let your kids watch a week?

I have no idea, since our television is always on as background noise, it’s a habit I picked up from my grandparents. It’s always been that way and my kids ARE SMART AND SANE AND GREAT SO THERE.

4.       Do you think people who say “we don’t watch television” at playdates but really mean “we just watch DVDs” are lying liars from Liarville?

Playdates, haha. I don’t do those anymore, playgroups and I have a shitty history, which you know if you’ve been reading this blog for a while. My answer is no. I know a couple of parents with children that have no idea who Spongebob is and although I feel for them greatly, missing out on all the wonderfulness of that beautiful little happy sponge, I get it.

5.       How many miles have you driven with your child and not one device of electronic entertainment in a single car trip?

Hours. They have the radio. Or, and iPod or iPhone plugged into the radio. I figure that’s all the entertainment they need besides what’s out beyond the tinted window or a book.

6.       What’s your record for calls to the pediatrician or Ask-a-Nurse in a single day?

Six. My worries were well worth it, Bella had Pneumonia and had to be admitted into the hospital.

7.       What’s the sexiest thing your husband/partner could text you after a hard day?

Get naked. That’s it. I’m pretty simple. Most likely it’d read “I want to fuck your brains out.” though. That’s more Joey’s speed.

8.       What’s your favorite iPad joke?

Jim had me rolling, the first comparison to a feminine sanitary issue I saw on Twitter with this:
wt4b65ae34c8b93 Momspotting: a meme

9.       What’s the dumbest parenting tool, gear, gadget or device you ever bought?

I’ve never bought one, as far as I can remember. A digital pregnancy test?

10.   How many years will it take for your child to become more tech-savvy than you?

NEVER. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Unless they become software engineers or something, they will never know more.

—————-
Listening to: John Mayer – Friends, Lovers or Nothing

{ 5 comments }

Rented: Hi.

by Maria on November 24, 2009

in blogging

“This is a rented post from a friend of mine who’s unable to post it on her own blog.”

You don’t know me, but you know my type: suburban stay at home mom with 2.3 kids, a mortgage, and a husband who works a good white collar job for good pay. We live within our means, sometimes with enough to go out to eat or buy something fun. From the outside, I have what every suburban-bred girl wants: the white picket life. In reality, I’m a fucking mess. I hate my life; I hate the rhythm in which I lead my life. I wonder every day where I went wrong, and how to get back to me, who I was, who we were as a couple. I can’t find him, but I know I’m here, and I don’t think he cares.

It didn’t always used to be this way. I had a happy marriage; an attentive, sexy husband who adored the ground I walked on, smart children, good friends. I still have the children and the good friends, but now…the husband is lacking. He can’t seem to figure out that a sex life after children can get better, not worse, and that five minutes of predictable, routine foreplay, forty-five seconds of fucking, and a premature ejaculation every goddamned time is not exactly orgasm inducing for a woman entering her second sexual peak. He also has decided I’m not worth his effort to romance or pleasure or even fucking understand and listen to—I’m the so-so nanny who he gets to bang once a month and this should be okay for me. He thinks I should not be complaining about it now. Umm, hello? Now, it’s a medical problem he’s seeking help for—it’s about damn time, it’s only been the better part of a decade and a half. Add in two years of indifference, treating me like an employee, lack of romance or even affection, and I’ve got one foot out the door, the other on the mat. Stuck, waiting.

So, being the woman I am, I wrote him a blueprint on what I needed and wanted from this marriage. I told him why, how, and how much—short, sweet, but to the point and direct. And…nothing. Meanwhile, something happened I could not have predicted: I met someone. Correction: I reconnected with someone from a long time ago, a friend who was only ever a friend. Someone who gets me; someone who understands a lot more of the struggles I’ve been dealing with, the personal demons I’ve battled. And I fell for him. Hard. Hard enough to wonder if this marriage is ever going to work, because I don’t feel the commitment from my husband that I expended every day for the past two years to keep it going, and I’m tired of trying. I find myself wondering if my husband even gives a shit about me as a person, and only wants me to stick around because of the kids.

Then, we add in the kicker: he admitted last night that he’s known I’ve been unhappy for the past eight months and he thought “it would work itself out.” Never mind the fact that he refused to seek counseling ages ago when I asked, now it’s the greatest idea ever. Gee, you think? It was a great idea when I suggested it last fall, when we had a similar argument. It took him the better part of three months to notice I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring. He’d rather focus on the kids, the house, the yard…but I was left to work it out. Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse, he drops that bomb on me. Now I feel even less important. But he claims he still loves me and he doesn’t understand why I find that hard to believe.

I wonder if I am sticking around because of the kids. It is so tempting to buy a plane ticket, to just go and see him. The other. The one who could be the best thing that’s ever happened to me or the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. The one who wants me for me, and not because I am always there, and he expects I always will be. If he asked me to, I would leave. I don’t know if I can find my way back to the marriage I had. I don’t know if I want to. I am afraid to be “that woman” but I don’t know if she gets a bad rap anymore from me, if she’s not dealing with the same things I am. If she feels the way I do, maybe she should pack it in and go. I am tired of this waiting, this limbo, this unfulfilled life.

{ 0 comments }

Not much to say, but something has to be said.

by Maria on November 18, 2009

in blogging

Anissa.

If you know her, you love her.

It just cannot be helped. She’s one of those people whose spirits suck you in and hold you hostage.

She’s my girl. The first time I physically met her, this past July, we grabbed each others tits. That was our handshake/hug/hello/nice to meet you in person. And for the rest of the weekend, they gravitated towards each other.

6729 140393239907 796534907 3308990 3711689 n Not much to say, but something has to be said.

[via.]

Tell me that’s not special. (There was no alcohol involved)

Anissa had a stroke yesterday and she’s in ICU.

I am hoping and wishing and if I wasn’t blatantly atheist I’d be praying my fucking ass off.

Ha, I just thought of how Anissa and I joked about how neither of us had any asses, and it was probably the Mexican in me that made mine flat and wide, and the Asian in her that made hers flat and narrow.

Anyway folks, you can go here if you’d like to find out how you can help.

*

Anissa, I love you.

I expect to do you much more joking around and tit fondling with you in the future.

- María

{ 0 comments }

What I Learned at BlogHer '09

by Maria on July 28, 2009

in blogging

3766540919 2d9e8d12ef What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Britt is teeny. And bubbly. And entirely enchanting. And I love her.

3767353746 8ef3aa48df What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Adam is an awful, sexist, ridiculous human being that should be beaten to death who many times walked away from conversations leaving the women saying “wow, he’s so nice/sweet/cool” in a very surprised tone because those that actually took the chance to get to know him were able to realize that.

3766165083 6e9e6bb280 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Miss‘ legs are just as great in person. And her hair is soft. And her mood is contagious. And I love her more than I could ever explain.

3766155775 359a15edac b What I Learned at BlogHer '09
A tipsy Nicole is the best kind of Nicole. Our lives are paralleled in many ways, and she’s an inspiration for me.

3766826329 164edbe732 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Lex has a timeshare in Mexico and we’re taking that fucker over.

3767334488 4487bf3c62 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Nancy walks with a sexy twist in her hips.

3766520125 b8b38bd5da What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Anissa + Neil + Dancefloor = The most awesome photo to sum up how much fun the MamaPop party was.

3766527211 63fb91d9c3 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Terra can dance better than most women I know and you’ll get lost in her eyes if you stare into them for too long.

3765943495 1481c13397 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Shannon still has ridiculously soft lips.

DSC_0309
Erin has fabulous tits.

3766975402 eb2e5991b8 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Megan is the kind of person I wish everyone in the world was. If you know her, you know exactly what I mean.

3765925629 b51b251c0a What I Learned at BlogHer '09
All facial hair makes me itchy because Aaron’s cheek kiss caused me to break out just like Joey’s do.

3766465349 3f7bb1e16b What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Grace looks like a Disney Princess when she sleeps, all posed and perfect. But it would have been creepy to take a photo of her. I ain’t her man!

3767322952 47abf7d01f What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Angie is a whole lot of marvelous.

3767178392 b76da346e7 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Being around Maggie makes you feel like what drinking Butterbeer must – warm, fuzzy, happy, and slightly inebriated. And she makes the 80s look good.

3766575003 0ee4a33881 b What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Matthew is great in bed – lasts for hours and carries a portable sex swing with him every where he goes that he knows exactly how to use. He’s also huge, I mean like…cucumber huge.

3767166398 2a9a8d7b3a What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Mishi, oh my Mishi. She gave me a camera tutorial on the way to the airport. I love my Mishi. That’s right, my Mishi.
3766357193 ef38a94452 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Jim can take an accidental punch to the gut like a champ. There’s a reason why everyone loves him, and that there’s mine.

DSC_0311
Loralee blushes when you compliment her, especially on those amazing eyes of hers and Momo is fucking TALL. And perfect, in every way.

3766815913 ac6a9872b6 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Tanis was a virgin and Katie calms me down, and is the perfect person to chill with. Her voice to me is like Yanni to lame people.

3766838368 916e98ca68 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Kelly is too wonderful a person to not have in my life.

DSC_0499
Sweetney can’t take a bad photo, and she throws one HELL of a party.

3766503289 fb2ec292a7 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Heather B. does have a force field of awesome around her, but it’s totally easily penetrable. So maybe it’s not quite a force field…but like…a glow. Or some shit. You get what I’m trying to say, right? Heather B. = Awesome.

3766819275 7f029a5e3a What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Jenny, oh my darling Jenny. There’s nothing I can say about her except that she’s perceptive as hell and I’m staying the fuck away from Chris Mann from now on.

3766908510 b791c1b350 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Well, maybe. I mean, he’s really fucking hot. And I would be talking to him on the night I looked my absolute worst.

3766835008 137dec2120 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Rachel is just…I don’t even know. I wanted to go home with her, I’m so happy to be able to call her my friend. She is beautiful.

3767347930 0b414e1ca1 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Janet thinks I’m adorable and will give PepsiCo a lot more than they bargained for if they ask her.

3766829310 64e4fb52a8 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
V is too sexy to be my friend and I quit her now.

DSC_0303
Tara (in the middle, between the awesome Kelli & Cara) is the type of person every company should send to BlogHer to represent them. And she doesn’t snore.

DSC_0319
Tracey thought I’d be much more of an asshole, and I pleasantly surprised her. Ha. She also doesn’t snore.

3767280608 04a1574b2f What I Learned at BlogHer '09
BHJ could step on me if he wanted to, but that doesn’t intimidate me. It’s his talent that does, and I hope he changes his mind. Edit: His blog is now defunct. I feel sorry for you if you were never able to bask in his glow. Maybe he’ll return one day.

3765926969 46e228fa4c What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Kelly uses Dermologica to wash her face at night,  gives great advice and makes me laugh like no other.

3766508277 321f90aef3 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Isabel and Yvonne own the fucking dance floor when BBD comes on.

3766534461 426d55e07d What I Learned at BlogHer '09
It’s impossible not to fall madly in love with Michael.

3767342112 7646671305 What I Learned at BlogHer '09
Lindsay likes to do the robot and Angella likes to laugh at her when she does.

3767402096 a6ed3e59cb What I Learned at BlogHer '09
The gals from Canada are the sweetest/funniest/hottest.

Also, I learned that when someone else is taking my photo, I have a habit of looking at that person instead of the camera. And then I look cross eyed or something. Oh, and flash makes my eyes go lazy and I look drunk or high.
There were so many people I got to see this year, again or for the first time in the flesh that I’m really happy I did. I hope to see every single one of you there next year in New York City (NEW YORK CITY?!?).

*If you’re not here, you’re probably in my Flickrstream if you saw me point my Nikon at you, there are about 250 shots from BlogHer. And Jesus the comments on them already are so fucking funny.

—————-
Listening to: Michael Jackson – I Can’t Help It

{ 0 comments }

A quick word on the latest 'mom blog' debacle.

by Maria on July 17, 2009

in blogging

If you’re a mommy blogger (or a blogger that happens to be a mom, whatever) answer yourself this:

Do I blog to connect with others like me, and unlike me? To write and read experiences and make friendships and have fun? Do I accept reviews and sponsorships and money and what not, but if I had to choose between one or the other I’d hands down pick my the community over any compensation?

OR:

Do I blog so that PR companies will offer me things to review, to go on trips, to get money and other perks and one day parlay this into a fullblown career? Do I use my community to further myself along in this goal, and the friends I make and blogs I discover along the way are secondary? If I had to choose, would I choose cold hard cash over connecting with other bloggers?

If you answered yes, no – congratulations – you have nothing to worry about. You are not one of the people being bitched about.

If you answered no, yes – congratulations – you are everything wrong with ‘mommy blogging’.

Just my personal opinion, of course. And I’m not trashing anyone – I just think it’s bullshit that yet another method of gathering the masses and learning to relate to one another has become distorted into yet another impossible make money now! scheme.

It’s as simple as that I think. There’s no need for a damn PR Blackout or whatever the hell. Just stop reading the people that even need to consider taking part in something like that. They’ll either disappear into oblivion or they’ll cut that shit out and actually blog.

Full disclosure:

I run ads. I do reviews. I love money. But my passion for blogging is not for sale, and yours shouldn’t be either. No one’s should.

{ 0 comments }

← Previous Entries