Commenting 101
Quick sidebar before we get into today’s post: Have you seen the cute little ‘me’ over there in my sidebar? Tell me she’s not adorable. I think she and her sweet smile balance the bitch that’s flicking you off ‘me’ in the header out very nicely. Renée posted about the super talented Emila who makes the little things, tailored to look like you. They are only $2. She finishes them really quickly [I had mine in just a few hours]. Go get one!
***
Yesterday we covered blogging. Remember folks that these are just my personal wants for the way the blog world works. I’m not saying that I think you should change your entire way of going about things just because of what you read here. Take it all with a grain of salt. Tell me where your opinions differ, and why.
Today…
Commenting
1. Do not jump around from blog to blog commenting posts in the hopes that everyone will pay you a return visit. It’s tacky, and it’s usually very obvious. If you’re that interested in accumulating comments, I suggest a site like this, where that is everyone else’s intention as well and it’s put out there really plainly: pure reciprocation, and true promotion for your blog. That site even provides a sense of community which I think it’s pretty cool. And remember that comments do not indicate traffic. You can have a huge amount of traffic and little comments or vice versa.
2. Do not feel pressured to reply to every comment you get. I used to do it before I realized that it would probably mean more to each person if I commented back only when I had something valid and worthwhile to say, rather than respond to everything with a generic or insincere line just for the fuck of it. So I stopped. Doing that also makes it seem like you want to continue the conversation further so they’ll probably email you back and then expect something from you, which you don’t send because you’re overwhelmed from responding to all the other comments you have, or didn’t really want to comment back in the first place. Believe me – it’s a better idea to just save your words for when you really *want* to use them.
Oh, and those auto-responders? The ones that email you to say ‘Thank you for commenting and here’s how to subscribe!’? They are fine for the first comment a person leaves, but for every comment? That’s fucking INSULTING. If you were goddamn Dooce that shit would be insulting. And you’re not. So there.
3. READ the post. This sort of goes along with the number one in this post. DO NOT comment if you didn’t read it. Take for instance Raw Dawg Buffalo. He gets a decent number of comments on each of his posts. It’s more than obvious to me that he doesn’t read my posts here – he skims, picks a line and addresses it. If there’s a picture involved he usually sticks to commenting on that. I’m convinced that he picks a day out of the week and goes down his reader or blogroll and just leaves a comment for everyone there, trying to get it done quick and painlessly, with little effort. Whether it’s to maintain his own comment numbers, or out of true desire to acknowledge his readers although he has limited time to do so, I don’t know.
Example? A recent guest post by an anonymous person who shared a painful story about their mother’s abusive boyfriend. He commented only on my disclaimer about it being a rented post. ‘Rentablog.com. Classic‘ was all he said. How disrespectful to my guest poster was that? Very, in my opinion. And yes, I am calling him out, but he’s a grown man. He can handle it. I doubt he actually reads this far in though, unless it’s because he sees he’s been linked. Heh.
4. If you reply on post pages, fine. I used to do this too, but then I realized how it was hard to remember to go back and check for their reply without subscribing to their comments which I’ve never, ever done. I get enough email, I’d prefer not to opt into more. If someone asks you a direct question – reply via email if they left a way to do so. Not everyone wants to, or has the time to check back and find your response.
5. Don’t talk too much about yourself in other people’s comments. Definitely not too much about your own blog. It’s perfectly acceptable to tell them how you’ve shared a similar experience or thought as the one they shared in their post, but to write a novella in their comments about you, your kids, or your blog is rude. It’s NOT YOUR BLOG. If they inspired you that much feel free to write a post on your own blog that starts with line like ‘Maria talked about XXX yesterday and instead of potentially looking like a narcissistic asshole on her blog, I decided to write a post on it too.‘
Edit: I believe #5 is being misunderstood. I’m not saying you should not, or should never talk about yourself. Just that your comment on someone else’s post shouldn’t be something that you could cut and paste onto your own blog (ie., long and not really about the post, or your views on it, but only you). It’s good to talk about yourself, I want you to talk about yourself here. Hence, why I’m doing the questions thing. But there’s overdoing it, in my opinion.
6. Do not go to someone’s blog as a thanks for visiting yours and say ‘I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog! Bye!‘ It’s rude. It sounds like that’s the only reason you came by and you truly don’t give a shit about their blog. If that’s all that you find is worth commenting on then don’t. Simple thank you’s are best handled via email and if they didn’t leave one, too bad.
The only time I do anything remotely similar to that is when I guest post, because I know most of the time I don’t read guest posts, and I assume others don’t either since it’s not what they came for. So, if I guest post, I’ll make sure to visit each person that commented on it. I comment on the actual content of the entry, and end the comment with ‘thanks for commenting on my guest post @ XXX.’ There’s the big thing there: not making the comment all about you by solely thanking them for reading your words whether on your blog or someone else’s.
No, I am not saying that I think if you guest somewhere you should do this – this is just something I do because when I see a guest post in my reader I usually hit ‘mark as read’ and I’m trying to maintain my own blog karma. In my head. Shut up.
7. State your commenting policy upfront. That’s especially useful to me because I curse a lot, and it’s useful to know if I can do so in your comments or not. So far, I’ve only slipped once with a big f-bomb in Momo’s comments and she kindly notified me of why she deleted it. I completely understood and respected that. You can make people aware of what flies and what doesn’t at your spot very easily with one of these badges.
I don’t have a badge simply because anything goes in my comments. But, I tell you very plainly in my Exegesis section that I don’t delete comments. I don’t know why, I just don’t. Maybe I will change that in the future, I don’t know. I have blocked an i.p. address, but that was because I had a non-blog ‘friend’ that commented only to attack the other commentators, and I asked him very nicely to stop doing it during a conversation we had. Then I discovered that the only real ‘troll’ I’ve ever had around here was commenting from the same exact IP. So I blocked that IP. I don’t play games. That shit was stupid. He claimed that it wasn’t him, it was a coworker he had recommended my blog to, but I never spoke to him again. I figure if it really was that, he could comment from home and so could they. I haven’t heard from ‘them’ since.’
8. Use a name, or a pseudonym. Posting under anonymous, even when it’s not a negative comment is annoying and it makes your comment mean less, no matter what it says.
9. Enable either comment moderation or CAPTCHA on your blog. I really don’t understand why you need both. If you’re moderating, don’t you have to approve everything anyway? Would it really be that much more of a hassle to delete spam? For the record: I HATE CAPTCHA. You won’t see it here. Ever. I swear it. I’m determined that the only true purpose of CAPTCHA is to prove to me that I’m dyslexic or blind. I never get that shit right the first try.
*Tomorrow, Basic Etiquette 101
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Commenting 101: Classic.
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist :p )
Excellent work here, Maria. I’m guilty of talking about myself too much in comments (oh crap, there I went again.)
I liked #2. When someone makes a comment about nothing, it’s really hard to reply to it.
The latest from Ginny…Why You Are NOT as Awesome as Bruce Dickinson
I disagree with you on replying to comments and subscribing to comments.
I hate when bloggers reply to a few commenters but ignore everyone else – makes me feel like it was a waste of my time to comment. Either reply to everyone in the comments, or reply to some people privately, or don’t do it at all.
I reply to every comment I get, with very few exceptions.
With regards to subscribing to comments: If you use Gmail, all of your replies will be in one email thread, and you have virtually an unlimited amount of space, so getting more email won’t hurt you. If someone has a comment subscription, you should do it!
That’s my stance and I’m sticking to it!
The latest from Avitable…Where did you put your wallet?
#1-#8 Uh huh.
#9 almost killed me. Dyslexic or blind? BWAHAHAHAHA! I couldn’t have said it better if I tried. And ditto on the Catchattica or whatever the hell it is. I’ll never have it, either.
The latest from Mr Lady…Personally, I Don’t Even See a Glass
First of all, I love your cute little RSS Maria! I noticed it earlier and pointed it out to my husband cause I thought it was so cute. I might have to get one.
Another great post in your little 101 series – I agree with everything you said. I HATE those automated responses to comments. I still reply to every comment I get (if the person provides an e-mail address), but my blog is still small and I totally have time to do that and don’t mind if someone e-mails me back at this point.
The latest from Rachael…Wordless Wednesday: My Blessings Abound
Maria, I love the cute little you on the sidebar. She is the very essence of you! Very cool and well worth the $2 (which I think is a total steal!).
Thanks for addressing this. I am most definitely guilty of #5 from time to time, but I swear it isn’t ’cause I’m all about me. I just have a tendency to go on and on when I read really good posts . . . um, like right now.
Bye.
The latest from LaskiGal…The Post About How Good I Look in a Swimsuit
it drives me bonkers with the moderation AND captshit.
great post. :)
The latest from Jobthingy…Fish Tales
I respond to my comments by email. Thats just me. What bothers me is when I DO ask a question, and it goes unanswered.
The latest from Miss…For a good time call…
I’ve probably violated a lot of these rules now and then, but I know I regularly violate the “no talking about yourself” one all the time, for sure. Allow me to demonstrate:
I can see your point, but to me, when it’s appropriate, it’s a good thing– the comments make a blog a conversation instead of a speech, or at least a speech with a discussion afterwards. So the blogger talks about him- or herself, primarily, then finishes, and commenters take their turn and say, “Oh yeah that’s great, I have a similar story or experience” etc.
And again, just like real life conversations, that’s not always appropriate, and doing so excessively is tiresome and annoying, but by banning it, you’re just asking for a world of blogs where people talk all about themselves and commenters show up to blandly praise them or parrot back whatever they said. I don’t see the point. I like when people share their stories and thoughts based on whatever theme my post has set in their minds.
In rereading this, I realize that it sounds like I’m angrily ranting after being called out for something, but that’s just the way I sound sometimes– this is a great post, and a great series so far. It’s nice to have all these things said out in the open by someone who feels free enough to do so.
You rule, and I’m sure when it comes to blogging, you must be right and I am wrong, because you do it much, much better than I do.
The latest from LiteralDan…A conversation with D-: Does not compute
I think I probably wasn’t clear with what I’m talking about as far as making your comment all about yourself, but, I don’t know how better to explain it either.
I’m definitely of your same opinion and don’t want to encourage a system of echo chambers by any means, which is why I don’t delete comments, but there’s sharing your personal opinion, a thought or experience that you had and there’s writing a long, long comment, not necessarily focused on that opinion/thought/experience, but on you and yours.
I wish I was able to think of an example right now, but I can’t.
I think you hit everything. Great post.
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Oh lordy you cracked me up with your calling out of raw dog, or whoever the hell he is!!! I seriously laughed out loud! HILARIOUS!
I, too hate CAPTCHA (I didn’t even know thats what it was called ’til now)!
I am looking forward to the next installment!
The latest from cindy…The first tooth…
I swear, you are reading my mind on some of these things.
And you’re right about comments in my opinion. I love seeing a comment from you because I know you actually read the post and felt the need to comment. You don’t just drop comments for the hell of it.
The latest from dysfunctional mom…I’m Charmed with the Proximidade! Or something.
These last two posts have been great Maria. I think I have a tendency to waffle on in comments sometimes. I will try to stop it. :D
The latest from Jo Beaufoix…When I was 23…
This is great! As a new blogger, these are very helpful. So now, to keep with it all being about me theme, I have a question: Let’s say I have 10 comments on a post. Out of those 10, three of them don’t have any way to respond to them. The other 7 I’ve emailed. Would it be a breach of blog ettiquette to respond only to those 3 in the comments?
The latest from Shania…We have confirmation…
I do that a lot. Sometimes I’m lazy and I just email directly back when I receive the comment in my email, sometimes it’s an answer I’d like to share with everyone so I comment on the post page and have it sent to the commentator’s email too.
And sometimes I just reply on the comment page because it’s not important.
:)
But, people do things differently – take for instance Avitable [2nd comment on this post]. He has good reason for thinking you should reply to everyone on the page and if you’re only going to respond to certain people, do it privately.
Your situation sounds a little like the one I had when I was on blogger, the one that made me give up replying to everyone – that damn noreply@blogger, and when I really had nothing else to say to some comments but something to say to others. You have to trust your gut. :)
I’m glad you addressed this. I feel like there are secret blog codes that no one has written down so you never know if you’re violating them. The comment thing is the worst part. I can’t ever find the email of the people who commented and whoa there I go talking about myself.
The latest from Carolyn Online…What the eff word Ad Men?
I am so guilty of #5.I am aware of it though.Usually by the time I’m done,I say to myself,”You really should have just written that on your own blog”.
#3…wow.Yes.Amen.In the past,I had 2 very regular “readers” who did that all the time. It’s funny though when people ask a stupid question in a comment that makes it extremely obvious they did not read the post,otherwise they wouldn’t have had to ask the question.Bugs the shit out of me…
Sharing this in my Google Reader cuz I know damn well there’s people out there who need to read this.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I HATE WORD VERIFICATION (I don’t even like the word Captcha). It is my goal to completely ban them from the bloggy world. How much freaking spam do people get? I have gotten MAYBE two pieces of spam and I have NEVER had the word verif on.
For all you other commenters out there can I tell you how difficult the word verifications are on someone who has dyslexia? It is evil. TAKE THEM OFF!!!!!
Love your list, Maria. I completely agree with all of it. Again.
The latest from Kat…Absent
I suck at CAPTCHA too! I even copied and pasted CAPTCHA into this comment because I knew I’d misspell that!
All excellent advice, Maria.
The latest from April…Ex Communication
This is good stuff, keep it coming! I’m such a n00b.
I have to admit I’m guilty of #5 pretty often. Usually on Sundry’s blog. She brings out some sort of insane confessional nature in me.
The latest from Maria…quite contrary
I do everything wrong. I’m a blogging failure. There’s just to much to know! TOO MUCH TO KNOW!
And Captchkawhositwhatever just makes me feel stupid every. damn. time.
The latest from maggie, dammit…up for air
I wasn’t in total agreement with your last entry (I’m long winded, but it’s my blog and I’ve given up caring whether people like it), but this one hit the nail on the head for me.
There are certain bloggers who shall remain nameless, that come to my blog once or twice a month. It’s on a pretty regular schedule so that tells me they are just going down their blogroll. I appreciate the readers like YOU much more. You aren’t commenting so I come back to your blog, you are commenting because you are part of MY community and you like me. Or at least you are pretty good at making it look that way. :)
Oh look, I just talked about myself. Oops.
And CAPTCHA needs to just go away. I use Akismet only (well, I used to, I need to reinstate it) for comment moderation and I am proud to say I have only deleted one comment, EVER and it was also by a real life friend. Erm, ex boyfriend and he was aware of why I did it. heh.
Oops, talked about myself again, but at least you know I read your entry ;)
Phew.
I agree 100 and 10 percent w/each any everyone one of them Maria.
Back in the day, aka before Blogher, I used to comment back on nearly all of my comments (Not to gain readers) but to really be friendly with the community. I found a lot of awesome people this way. Honestly, I did.
And now. I think I found a solution. I have my top commenters on the bottom of my blog. I check in about twice a week with all of them. I scroll through their posts from the week and comment on the ones that really interest me.
I really like that it is working for me. I still feel connected to my readers.
The latest from OHmommy…To my daughter, on her 18 month birthday, 32 days late
Great lists and very helpful to me. I’ve thought about a lot of these things before, but just didn’t know how to address them. I like commenting back in my comments, but have also followed up with more personal emails where I felt it was appropriate. I appreciate you putting this out there, it helps to have feed back on these issues.
The latest from Tara R….Random Wednesday ~ listening
After you finish ‘Dance,dance’ you should author ” Blogging for Idiots”. Love your lessons and I can certainly put some of this advice into play.
Well, I’m a fairly new blogger, but I do get these tips. I hate captcha (CAPTCHA?) because I’m blind and I don’t need a reminder.
(and I’m going to say FUCK because you said I can)
The latest from Lynette…Psht…Mahna Mahna
Lovely list. I agree with it all! I never email a reply because, well, I use BLOGGER and that just doesn’t work well. I DO make an effort to visit everyone’s blog who has commented and leave a comment there, at least once. I never say “Thanks for visiting” though because I really don’t care for those comments, myself. Kind of a “I didn’t really read your post and I don’t care for your blog but I feel obligated to comment here…”
If I stumble upon your blog via a comment, I’ll bookmark it and read it till I feel overwhelmed and need to make cut-backs on my reads. It’s a sad fact of blogging, but true!
The latest from tracey…A hole in the head’s better than a hole in your coffee cup
What a great primer for bloggers. More people should be reading this series. Actually loads of people are reading this series – what I mean to say is this should be something that every blogger reads.
The latest from Renée aka Mekhismom…Do Something
I guess I am opposite of you on #2. I do try to reply to almost every single comment. And, that is the reason I went self-host. If someone takes time out of their day to comment, I would like to say, “Thank you.”
CAPTCHA makes me feel like I am being set up to fail (though I admit to using the ol’ word verification)
I wax and wane on replying to comments, sometimes I do if they ask something or if I have an update, but I don’t expect they are read so I should really just email back. Hmm, yes I think I should!
Love the new sidebar you, super cute and a steal at $2!
The latest from Molly…Negative Nancy
Reading through the comments just reiterates that in blogging, you can’t make everyone happy.
Replying to comments is such a huge issue for people. I reply in my comments section, but not to everyone. It’s not because I’m a bitch or I’m rude or that I don’t care about every comment, it’s just that sometimes I don’t have a response to a particular comment.
It’s a no-win situation.
Great tips, Maria!
One more thing, I’m not sure if you know about the comment plugin that allows you to reply to commenters IN THE COMMENTS SECTION! It’s fabulous!
http://www.u-g-h.com/wordpress-plugins/wordpress-plugin-comment-email-responder/
You probably didn’t mean to be funny, but this shit is hilarious.
You’ve also prompted me to figure out how to get an about me page for my blogger … assuming that school and Coco let up enough for me to post there regularly.
First off, Captcha makes me want to poke myself in the eye. I never know what those damn things say, and if it takes me more than 2 times to get it right, I just decline to comment. As a blogger, I think it is insulting when I feel like someone just comments on my blog in hopes of me commenting on theirs. When I first started blogging, I didn’t mind, but I’ve moved on to wanting readers who have truly taken the time to read what I’ve said, even when it is crazy. I think it is always obvious when certain bloggers are out for comments; and in a neurotic fashion, make promises or discuss who and how they will comment. Comments aren’t always indicative of traffic or writing quality anyway. I don’t know; I just think it’s played out. I’d rather have a lot of faithful readers than a lot of commenters that aren’t paying attention but are merely hoping for reciprocation. (PS. I’ve been typing this comment FOREVER. I had to distract my kid with crayons twice.)
Oooh, I feel like the kid with her hand in the cookie jar. I’m totally guilty of #2, #5, and sometimes #6 (but only after I make a real comment). I was trying to be the opposite of rude, rather just showing my appreciation for them coming over to my place. Now here I am talking too much about myself. *slaps my own hand*
Thanks for the talking too. Will rethink things.
Oh and I couldn’t agree more about that damn Captcha.
The latest from Mrs. Kitty…Good to know
Captcha is of the devil.
I fully agree on each pther point as well. I promise I did not skim ;)
The latest from Angella…Let The Chips Fall Where They May
Once again, I totally agree with you on all these points. And is CAPTCHA that crap where you have to reproduce the letters? Kills me everytime!
The latest from amy…Being Thankful
Well, everyone seems to have slightly different “rules”, although I think there’s a general truth to a lot of what you say.
Personally, I try to be sincere in my commenting. I think even if I am explaining my situation a little sometimes (in the right context), my heart is in the right place. I figure the blogger will know that. Hopefully.
The latest from Mandy…I Have a Confession to Make
I never get the word verification thingies right when I have to enter them either BUT, I have them on my blog because I don’t want to moderate my comments (I’m not always available), and I don’t want SPAM.
The latest from Miss Grace…Eh, announcement I guess
I find myself nodding along with your points. I think I’m going to link to this little series you have.
I hate word verification but found that I had no choice when I started to get those auto comment things.
The latest from sky girl…Thoughts on having a boy.
I was going to mention lame comments that are purely so the commenter can get some action on their blog, but I get so few I didn’t want to alienate the few commenters that I have!
Good point though. Why bother blogging if you don’t get to actually read anything and spend all your time jumping from blog to blog “spreading your seed”?
P.S. I’m copying you and getting an RSS Dolly of my own!
The latest from Jill…For tennis lovers only…
Great advice. But you said nothing about drinking and blogging. ;)
The latest from Meg…Toronto Story Part I
Oops. Now I am going to be all self-consious worrying about how many of these things I am doing. But, as my hubby said to me the other day,”if you think you’re being followed and you REALLY are… are you still being paranoid?” Hmmm.
I have to say though, I do like it when the comment section turns into a conversation between the author and the different visitors- that’s a big part of the enjoyment of reading (and commenting) for me.
The latest from Margie…When’s your baby due?
M, I agree with you here. That Raw Dawg Buffalo crap ticks me off no end. I hate that kinda crap. I totally agree with comments in the comments, it’s hard for me to remember who does it and who doesn’t; and just like you, the last thing I want to do is subscribe to a whole bunch of comments and sit and sift through my e-mail all frickin day.
Great post.
The latest from Siobhan…Word of the Week
Amen to most of what you said. But, I disagree about the don’t talk about yourself rule. I mean sure there are limits. But, when people share something of themselves it is probably because they can relate to your piece, it resonates, they are making connections. I sorta like that, oh but this ain’t about me, is it. Bygones! Anyway, it is better than the obligatory, oh you rock, sunshine up the old ass comments that people usually leave when they have nothing more intelligent to say.
Excellent. I am all over the place with commenting, and I feel that I offend some of the people most of the time, or most of the people some of the time … or I’m just confused! I’ve tried to e:mail responses if I can find an e:mail (blogger suchs that way) , because, as someone else pointed out, I don’t want to make the other commenters feel excluded. Or perhaps I should just respond to all on my comments page.
Then I would just do what I always do, end up writing a novel about myself in a comment …. but this would be on my own bloody blog!!! :)
The latest from Karen MEG…Weekly Winners # 35: Hanging Around
You rule. That is all. Ok, that’s not all. I love this. I’m straddling the line of your rules a little bit. First I comment on the post page, but that’s because usually I provide info or backstory that may be interesting to others. But because I respond to a few, I feel like an asshole if I don’t respond to all. So I do. BUT if someone asks a question, I usually email them. If I don’t respond, it’ll be that I don’t respond to ANYBODY on that post. All or nothing. And fuck. I just broke your rule of excessively talking about myself. Damn. I suck. You rule. End of story.
The latest from BusyDad…They Should Slap a Warning Label on this Band
I totally agree with your rules, especially about commenting – or ‘pity’ commenting or commenting to get more visits/comments to your blog. That’s just sad.
The latest from Elaine…It’s A Moo Point….
I’ll just settle with “I suck”. I will most likely break several of these rules before this comment is even over.
The latest from Ashley…Different Shades Of Green …I mean, “Morning Sickness”
I like the way you do things because it fits you completely. I also like how Avitable does his thing. I think if you’re really reading a blog for the pleasure of getting to know a person and their mind, then you get a feel for how they do things and accept it. If something bothers you, then move along.
You’re just awesome. :)
The latest from Sybil Law…Blow Jobs for Duke Employees
Great post! Come visit my blog!!
Bwaaaa haaaa haaaaaa! I couldn’t resist.
I delete that shit every single time. I even do it with a shout of ‘deleted bwaaaa haaaaahaaaaaa!’
Cause I am freaky.
The latest from Kelley…That kid will go far in life…
I’m all about ME on your blog. Seriously, you had some really good points. I have to get rid of the guilts for not responding to everyone. I just hope they know that I appreciate the comments.
Thanks for the tip on blocking IP addresses. Very clever.
OH, and I love your new Avatar up there on the right. She does balance out the middle finger girl. ;)
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