For Your Information:
I love you.
No, not you.
Them.
Behind you.
Made you look!
My posting has been sporadic at best. I don’t mind. I don’t have as much to say, but I’m still always in my head, figuring out the best way to transfer my thoughts into words. I think it’s different as well. It’s not so much engaging and inviting of discussion; more so declarations of my brain through my fingertips into my editor and purged onto the screen. Whether that’s good or bad yet, I don’t know. I appreciate the community, I just feel I’ve been too wrapped up in it.
My commenting has been even more lax. I still read as fervently as ever, and I’ve realized that not pressuring myself to comment has enabled me to absorb your words more and remember them longer. There was a subconscious rush to my journey through my Google reader before: me reading but not retaining what you wrote because I was too worried about making sure I had the time and energy and desire to read and comment the next person as well.
I find this a fair trade off. I hope you can accept that less frequent comments from me are not a bad thing, that it means that I’m actually taking you farther in than I probably used to. I’m not concerned with my own numbers - I’m proud to say that neither Woopra nor Statcounter have been opened in months. Yes, monthssss. I don’t care. Numbers don’t matter to me. I hope that if you read me reciprocally that you stop now because the reciprocation is probably going to anyway. My feelings won’t be hurt.
I’m totally uninhibited. Emails sit for not minutes, but sometimes days before I respond and I don’t flip out. My nights are not consumed by Plurk and I barely log onto my social networking sites. I’ve officially broken out of my cage, my prism that was holding me hostage, my internet obsession. I am glad. I enjoy my internet time again, wasting it exploring Flickr and Tumblr and ffffound, and finding new blogs to read because I actually have time to absorb myself in more.
I have not asked any more questions. I have not drafted a blog post in which to showcase the already received answers. The response was overwhelming and my creativity is lacking, there was no way I could think of to properly give you what I promised. So, I’m sorry that I wasted your time. Feel free to take your question and turn into blog fodder of your own.
My recent post about some republicans/conservatives pissed a lot of people off. I don’t think I’ve ever received so many emails on a post. All of them I took time to respond to and most of the correspondence ended on a positive note, without me rescinding one word because I still stand by every single thing I wrote. No, I don’t want people to be angry or hurt, but after I emailed back, my hands were clean whether they were happy or not. Feels good to be confident in my words, no matter the reaction. I hope those people and I are cool, but if not…*shrugs* It’s my blog, and I can throw a ridiculous temper tantrum here if I feel like it. I don’t think I’ve ever given the impression that this was a blog to come to for fluff or cute stories or feel good anecdotes. It’s not, and there are many like that that I can direct you to if that’s what you’d prefer. This is real, it’s me, it’s good, it’s bad, it’s nice, it’s bitchy, it’s over the top, it’s vague, it’s bullshit, it’s mine.
I’m in a good place right now. A place of truth and good times, of nonchalance and self-absorption. Where I belong and feel best. I’m staying here.
Oh and a list of changes to the blog itself:
- I changed my blog theme, obviously, unless you’re feed reading. I like it. It’s clean and simple, but has room for the shit in my sidebar which, save the ads, is still pretty basic.
- I updated my blogroll [ finally! ].
- I took my tagline back to the old standard ‘you don’t have to agree with me‘. It rings truer today than at any other time.
- I moved my comments over to the Disqus system. I really like it, and I suggest you make a profile there so people can find out more about you by hovering over your avatar.
- I disabled the passwords on all the old posts, except for one that was written by a guest who requested it be protected. No more hiding anything.
- I bought a camera [finally], so I added a Flickr widget to my sidebar as well.
That is all.
Hope you’re well.
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November 10th, 2008 at 4:24 am
You DID change your template, and I DO love it! Very nice, yo. Oh, and *waves fairy magic wand* you are hereby exempted from every having to comment on my blog again. I know you're out there. *smooch*
November 10th, 2008 at 4:30 am
Whatever - I greedily take any word crumbs you throw at me, and come back for more. :)
xo
November 10th, 2008 at 5:09 am
I heart this new template so HARD! Loads way faster. (BTW, “behind you” is up there with “got your nose”. Gets me every god damned time.) As long as you're making yourself happy with this blog, the rest of us will follow.
November 10th, 2008 at 5:12 am
That sounds like a really nice routine. I wish I had one. There's no clear line between work and home since I'm a SAHM. Usually after everyone else goes to bed I come on here and read/write, do laundry, and then I start the dishwasher when I go to bed.
November 10th, 2008 at 5:21 am
You told me you only loved me.
I feel so cheated.
Do what you want with your blog babe, cause you know I loves ya regardless.
November 10th, 2008 at 5:35 am
You know, when I came back to my blog in August, I made a conscious decision not to look at the numbers. I don't have ANYTHING on my blog that counts visits. I have a technorati account because I want to know who is linking to me, but not for vanity.
I have never been happier with my blog. My readership is about 20% of what it used to be and I'm ok with that. People who visited my blog only only because I visited theirs have decided that they really don't like me now that I'm not returning the favor, and to them I say good riddance. I am not a number, I am a person.
So, good for you. My commenting has been the shits lately, too, so I don't take your absence personally at all. I'm still reading the blogs I always was, I'm just not always commenting. I get it.
November 10th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Sounds like you ARE in a good place. Good for you.
November 10th, 2008 at 7:21 am
I really like the new theme. It's sharp and clean and nice and yummy. Also, your RSS dolly is really cute.
I'm glad that you're not consumed by the internet anymore. It's hard sometimes because it's so easy to get sucked in to things like Plurk and Twitter and feeling like you have to comment on everything. I think I have finally found a balance in reading blogs and only commenting when I really have something to say. But who knows if that will last!
I love your comments, of course, but I love reading your blog and knowing you're back in our bloggy little world and happy even more!
November 10th, 2008 at 7:59 am
I love this post so much I just may make out with it. (Is that illegal?)
November 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am
As I sit here, I could totally be all, ooh, pretty and ahhh happy and stuff, but I'm sorry, your gorgeous girls are in the sidebar and I am wicked envious of your photog skills. Can you please start to suck at something? Anything?
November 10th, 2008 at 10:02 am
It's good to take a step back, to stop and think and just take things in. If you're in a good place, that's all the matters. The rest will wait.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:47 am
You love me. You really love me.
I am not quite sure I stumbled upon you, but I am glad I did. Brutal honesty is good. Sometimes it what everyone needs. Stop prancing around the bull shit and just say it.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Maria unplugged….I love it.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
The Internet has an obvious ability to weave itself into our lives so intricately that we may feel trapped and held down, if we're not careful. It's important to repeatedly weed and reevaluate the reasons and time spent online.
Comments are nice, but not required. When I post for the comment number, I suffer. I tense up, and I am not fully in my life's moment…
Good for you, Maria.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Well *looking around* I like it. And I appreciate you F'ing my I. LOL
I'll still pop by 'cause I like it here.
November 10th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Every blogger feels the same way at some point, Maria. Post for yourself, comment when you feel the need or inclination. That's what I'm doing nowadays. I'm slowly learning that the amount of comments doesn't necessarily correlate with how many readers you have.
Like the new layout, but I like the old one, too. ;)
November 10th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Hey there…
I like the streamlined look. Just thought I'd let you know that if you are loving on the people behind me (in my office) you are loving on some narrow-minded bigoted Republicans ;-P. I'll enjoy your posts whether you post once a day or once a year so no pressure here.
November 10th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Lookin' good lady, and like Ginny said, loads much faster. ;) And like you said, clean and simple, which I am a fan of in my own life.
November 10th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I love the new look!
November 10th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I too love the new look.. and I am wickedly happy you are behind the camera now.. you will love it I just know it. and your blogging philosophy is awesome..
November 10th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Oh I totally think I have 'the eye' and I always have thought that, but I've
kept my mouth shut because it seems everyone with a Flickr account nowadays
think they do too. LOL Hopefully I'll get better and better. I've already
got a list of lenses I want to buy. :)
November 10th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Oh, I do like the new template. Very clean and airy. I love it.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I love that you just fess up and move on. I need to do that. If one more person asks me where I've been lately…. Ugh. I'm right here. Back off people. I like the new look too. I'm all about the cleanlined.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I'm so glad you're in a good place right now. The place looks great, and I'm loving the pics of those gorgeous girls.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
*shrug*
Sounds good to me.
November 10th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Ooh! I made the new blogroll! Go, ME! :-)
(OH, and your new site is pretty too.)
November 10th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I really like the new look… classy. I've always admired your 'this is me, take it or leave it' attitude. You're one of the most honest people I've met in the Web and I appreciate that you make no excuses and take no crap from anyone. Bravo!
November 10th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I like the new design
November 10th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I am well, sounds like you are too! I like your new design.
November 10th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
LURVING the new design! And no requirements for commenting. I feel your presence…
November 10th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
You have gone through more incarnations and changes in the time I've been reading you :-) And I think it's fabulous, because each one represents the growth of you, as a blogger and a person (same thing?) I don't only comment on those who comment on me, or only read those who comment on me/mine.. whatever.
I'm done rambling. Like the new look ;-0
November 10th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I'm so lovin the new look. It's clean and refreshing. Obviously you're doing much better, here's to keepin up the good stuff!
November 10th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
You don't owe anyone anything.
I prefer this template, less in your face, and doesn't take 4 and half months to load.
Hope you're well!
November 10th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Thanks for the Update…now we know….and others don't like it…well, then they can talk to you, cuz I be “scurred” of u…:)
November 10th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I have taken a bit of a breather myself. It's a much happier place for me. I hope it's a happier one for you as well.
As for the commenting, I haven't left many but I read your blog religiously, and will continue to do so. Makes you feel not so far away… and I enjoy your insight.
You should come back. ILM could use a little bit of someone like you… to counteract all the morons around these parts… ;)
November 10th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Maria, I like it. Clean. Simple. Purely your words and nothing more.
And, I love that you can have intelligent conversations with people, listen to what they see and still remain true to yourself while maintaining respect. That is awesome. That is what is means to have true and honest discourse!
What I love most is that you are just so uniquely you . . .
November 10th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I love you.
November 10th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I could definitely learn a little something from you. And I like the design, although I do miss you flipping me the bird.
November 10th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I love the new look, by the way, very clean and crisp like a brand new paper bag. You are great!
November 10th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
You're doing the same thing I started doing…
Not pressuring myself to visit every single blog. While it's feasible, it's also unfair to everyone.
I totally get where you're coming from.
November 10th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
I've made this vow before, even cutting down my google reader to about 20,
but I couldn't stick with it. After I took my break though, I realized that
it felt food not to care that much, and I stopped. It's been easier than I
would have thought. :)
—————-
Now playing: Disturbed - Stupify (Live at the
Riviera)<http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/disturbed/track/stupify>
posted with FoxyTunes <http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/>
Maria Young
immoralmatriarch.com
November 10th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
I think you are beautiful. And that's enough.
I love that we are on the blogroll by name too.
November 10th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I thought about putting you down as Melissa, but I decided to go with what I
call you. :)
wait - I'm positive it's Melissa. It is right? Damnitt it'd better be.
—————-
Now playing: Maxwell - Get To Know
Ya<http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/maxwell/track/get+to+know+ya>
posted with FoxyTunes <http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/>
Maria Young
immoralmatriarch.com
November 10th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
fk them, u trhe truth all im gone say
November 10th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I'm still here. I read your blog because…I Fucking like it. Simple as that. And I've realized that I don't have to be a goody goody and comment on EVERY post. I only comment when I really have something to say. Blogging isn't my job but something I LIKE to do. If people don't like me, then I'm ok with that. Still love ya!!
November 10th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Hi gorgeous. I totally get this as I've done the same and often worry about not commenting enough, but now i read more but comment just a few times a week and a I'm actually enjoying it again. I love the new look, very smart, and I will answer my question from you one day but don't mind if you read it or not. I know when I come here I will always get honesty and an intelligent opinion. I love how powerfully you write and you make me laugh. Keep enjoying it babe, 'cos if you don't what's the point?
November 10th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Psshaw - was there any doubt?
November 11th, 2008 at 2:04 am
Thank FUCKING GOD the comment page is working for me tonight. (Don't mind me, I'm just bitchy because I'm bitchy.)
I dig the new template, and I'll not only let you off the hook for commenting, but you don't even have to read me. How great am I?
November 11th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Nice template Maria. I can tell you're in a good place. Good for you.
And even though you haven't commented as much (not that I have much to comment on of late) I know you've been around. You've got “aura”, KWIM?
November 11th, 2008 at 5:09 am
came thru from maria's spot
interesting read
like u said
folk don't have to agree
do u
November 11th, 2008 at 7:21 am
love you, so there!
November 11th, 2008 at 7:53 am
You can visit my blog and not comment all you want. I just like that you're visiting.
As for me, I don't twitter or plurk and I hardly ever go to cre8buzz. Mostly, I blog and read blogs. That's all I have time for, and I'm ok with that. If that keeps me from obtaining ultimate blog popularity, I'm ok with that too. A small faithful group of blog friends is ok with me.
November 11th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I don't care how little you blog or what you blog about - I'm just soooo glad you're blogging! throw whatever nuggets of your mind my way, lady! I'll happily gobble em up.
November 11th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I like the new template, too! It is so straight forward and clean.
November 11th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
New reader. Like the clean look. I'll be back.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
still love ya, baby. always.
November 12th, 2008 at 2:51 am
If you are pissing people off, it only means you are getting to the heart of the matter. That, my friend, is a good thing. A very good thing. You are more than the blog world, always have been.
November 12th, 2008 at 4:39 am
Love the new look!
And you. But you knew that.
November 12th, 2008 at 5:34 am
While I didn't agree with your political posts, as most bloggers out there right now, I appreciated your need to say what you needed to say. Which is why I didn't respond with everything that I wanted to.
I'm glad that you are still reading and don't feel caged in anymore. Good for you. And thanks a ton for adding me to your blogroll. It's an honor. (is that cheesy enough? lol)
November 12th, 2008 at 5:59 am
i'm glad that you're in a good place, m.
November 12th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Well, I came here to let you know I had changed your link pic on my blog when I noticed you had linked me. I just wanted to say thank you and that I feel honored in a way. I appreciate that you like my bloggy enough to link it.
Now since Ive finally read your blog long enough and have a good idea how you write. I felt I could finally change that link picture to something that represents you so
I felt I could finally change that link picture I put up for you this summer when I found this lovely place since I wanted to immediately link to your blog. Hope you like the new one. I think it fits your colourful aura.
I read my favorite blogs as often as I can also I am not big on commenting unless I have something to say or to just give some love. Im a big 'I love you-er' lol
I know you dont mind. Just thought I`d say. alright I am rambling….
?
November 12th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Love the new header, love the new comments (I could hardly read the last style — too small on Flock or something).
Love even more how you sound: centered, calm, confident. :)
November 13th, 2008 at 6:50 am
Your new look is fab, your old tag line is fab, YOU'RE fab!
As you can see, I'm also behind and not around as much. And I think there's actually an email from you from days back that has gotten lost in my inbox. I'll find it eventually.
Tonight is quiet and I'm taking care of some business. My business. What matters to me. So I totally get it. And any comment from you has always been like gold, anyway, so no worries there. And if you never comment again, I'll still come here and bug you because I think you're awesome.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I like the changes. Flush out the old shit on a regular basis, even if you don't think it stinks yet. That's my new motto.
November 15th, 2008 at 2:44 am
I am in the same boat. I know exactly what you mean. I have been less on the commenting lately, and more about the reading. I am loving it.