you may not want to read any farther, lest you get offended. If you can’t help yourself, just know that I warned you and don’t expect me to apologize for or amend my personal opinions because it hurts your feelings. My blog. Remember that.
I love Angelina Jolie. I have since first watching Gia, long before she became who she is. Before Girl, Interrupted, before Tomb Raider. Before Brad. I admire her as a person, as a woman, as a humanitarian, as a talent and as an open soul. I’ve been nothing but happy for her and the fact that she truly seems content with life.
But yesterday after seeing her at the Spirit Awards I found myself a little annoyed at her. More kids, Angie? More? What is this? Maddox, Shiloh, Zahara, the other one, now this one – or these two? That’s like 5 or 6 kids! In a very short amount of time.
How is it possible to have so many children in such a short span and give them all the love and attention they each require? How can you truly claim to know each individual little person, learn them, feel them, appreciate them? I mean, it’s not like they’re multiples – she is electively adopting/creating her own population. None of my business…I know, but hell – it’s ridiculous. Does she want to be another Josephine Baker? Yes, I know they have the funds to give their children more than most families with only one child can afford to provide but there is much more to raising children than globe trotting, big houses and multiple nannies. There is that little aspect of parenting called parenting.
When I used to watch the Discovery Health specials on The Duggars I
marveled at how well behaved and seemingly happy each and every one of their children were. Yet, the more I thought about it the more I realized that homeschooling or not, that woman is not being the mother she should and could be. She can’t, because she has too many goddamned kids! The older siblings are being made to take on responsibilities that they shouldn’t be. They are all required to be surrogate parents for their younger brothers and sisters. That is completely unfair.
Maybe she shouldn’t be homeschooling. I think those children would be better off at a public school, realizing that there are lives and families different than their own. I think those daughters need to be recognizing that they aren’t doomed to a life surrounded by offspring, inside and out. Those sons need to know that there is more to a man than popping off cumshots every time the womb is empty.
I look at Jon & Kate Plus 8, a show of which I’ve never been able to stomach a full episode. I 
cannot stand the complaints and whining about being tired and stressed and overwhelmed. That was a choice they made. To have a shit load of kids. I feel that it is wrong – yes, WRONG – to have that many children. It is not fair to the children themselves. How could it be? Their genuine moments of parental affection, devoted to just them are nonexistent.
I don’t think that people should have so many children that they are lenient on others for assistance, in any way. I don’t think that older siblings should become nannies for you. I think that having a shit load of kids is selfish. Yes, babies are cute and we all want/love babies – but there is such as thing is too many and it’s not when your uterus says ‘fuck you, I’m done’. It’s when you have more than you, and you alone, even without a spouse, can handle.
I have two. I am done. I’m glad I had a tubal, and can’t have anymore because I soooo would! I miss having a baby desperately – for the last 5 years I’ve either been pregnant or had a ‘baby’. As they grow I realize that two is my personal limit. Having anymore would be putting a serious strain on me. Others can handle more, some can handle none or less. I know a mother of five that does amazingly. Of course, she has spaced them out so that makes a difference but I don’t even think then I could do that.
I have to purposefully ensure that I’m giving each of my girls the level of interaction that they
need. I have to set aside time for each to make sure I’m not missing out on any wonderful little characteristic of their individual person that might have developed recently. How could I do that if I had 5 or 10 more to concern myself with? How?????
To each their own I guess. Maybe it’s just me. I just worry about the children.
Honestly – are they better or worse off from having as many brothers and sisters as a school of fish? Only they can answer that, eh?
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I agree with you that it’s about personal limits and knowing what you can handle. I don’t think that I could be the mom that I want to be if I had four or five kids. But, that’s just me and my honest assessment of who I am and what I can do.
As you said, some women handle it beautifully!
I have to agree with you, Maria. When I got pregnant with baby #3, I remember my aunt saying, “Now you’re outnumbered.” How right she was! LOL! But, seriously, people need to know when enough is enough.
I wonder daily if I should even have another kid. Because I love Rhi, but, my god, she’s a handful. And I see my sister with four kids that she can barely control and can’t at all afford, and I find the fact that she continued to have children just because she desired a little girl to be completely irresponsible. I wonder if having a second child is something I really want, or if I just want another cute baby. I know Mike really wants a little boy, but it’s not like there’s a guarantee there.
But Angelina is officially pregnant? I knew it was rumored. She was an ass at first about her birth daughter, too, remember? Because she lacked character and was like a “blob”?
Since I don’t have any kids, I read further, and I totally agree!
Now, it’s great that Angelina has adopted. But, when there are pictures of Brad, Angelina,the kids, and the NANNY, I kinda think it’s wrong. Take care of them yourself. Don’t hire someone else to do it for you. When I’m at Walmart and see a flock of children with their Mom, she doesn’t have a nanny. She does it herself, like a normal person.
Totally agree with you on this. I have two kids and had a tubal. I would have loved to have a third child, but hubs and I knew that financially we could provide well for 2 kids, 3 would have been a stretch.
I completely agree. There is a woman on an online community that I belong to. Her first born was born the same time as my son (in 2003). She now has FIVE kids. I often wonder how in the world you can possibly give each of those children the time they deserve, especially when they are that young.
I do have a little more sympathy for Jon and Kate, simply because they didn’t really fathom having that many at once. Sure, they chose fertility treatments and subsequently not to do reduction, but I might have made the same decision. I do think that fertility treatments are getting out of hand though. There is a reason most people don’t have more than one at a time by natural means.
Right now I know one is my personal limit. As much as I would love to have more, I currently do not have the time for more than one. I also do not have a man for number two. Haha. But seriously, I think if I had any more than my one sweet boy at my current stage in life, somebody would be getting the short end of the attention stick.
I do have to say though, living in an area with a very heavy population of Mormons, that most of the children of large families come out really well adjusted. I guess maybe it’s just a different style of life. Most of the girls go to college and then make their own choices as to whether they want to stay home or not.
I think my main beef is with people who do it for selfish reasons. They want lots of kids because it will be fun! and exciting! Yeah, maybe for them, but probably not for the children.
Crap that was long.
I agree with you mostly.
Angelina annoys me too these days. It almost seems like she adopts kids as kind of a trophy or something, doesn’t it? I almost expect her to wear a t-shirt that says, “I erected a hospital in Cambodia and all I got was this lousy kid!”.
And, I HATED that she insisted Shiloh be born outside the US so that she would have a country to relate to like her other children. What, the U.S. isn’t good enough?? Isn’t the U.S. the country that made her famous and gave her the financial capability to be a humanitarian, donate to charity, and adopt children in the first place?? WTF!
Now see – that’s why I spaced mine 10 years apart from each other! :)
I agree and respectfully disagree on points:
I agree that parenting involves just that – parenting. With the busy schedules of celebrities, and sharing of time between the kids for all of the families referenced here – the ability to dote is severely diminished.
However, the fact that the adopted children are in a better place than where they started has to be commended. I realize the argument is that these children could’ve gone to homes where they would be loved just as much. Fate bestowed them with these parents tho.
I’ll reserve judgment on the Brango clan until they’re grown and we can see what kind of adults they turn out to be.
a) I have never heard of the Dugan family, but I cannot get over what it must feel like to gestate and birth that many children (not that I have any yet, so, pure imagination on my part)…
b) I have always thought this about the Brangelina crew, but always wondered if it’s because I’m an only child/not a mother/etc. Glad to see I’m maybe not delusional/self-centered.
c) I guess I could very well be delusional/self-centered, but at least not about this one thing.
Duggar. Not Dugan. Matthew Dugan was a kid in my elementary school class. Oops.
I can understand what you’re saying and where you’re coming from, but I have a million kids myself too so I can see it from another direction. I have three stepsons – my partner has custody of them, so since I’m living with him, I do too – and we have four daughters together. So seven kids total – our youngest is 3 months old. The eldest is my stepson who’s 17 this week. I don’t have any outside help looking after them. I deal with everything from the typical cooking, washing, cleaning to everything else from dealing with the schools, any projects, anything they need. They all get the same amount of attention and are treated no differently from each other – in so much as their ages allow, of course. My stepsons are treated no differently from my daughters. In fact, I don’t generally refer to them as my stepsons! I stay at home while my partner works, so the youngsters aren’t packed off to childminders, but grow up with their mummy – which is just how I want it to be! It can be tiring and stressful, and there are days when you could gladly strangle the little bratlings :) but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything else. I don’t see the point in having kids and then palming them off on someone else.
i am with you here. i would love love love another baby when the thrower is a little tiny bit older. but i just don’t think i have time for that third bath. the extra clothes the third kid would have, needing folding. the extra dishes i’d have to do, and most importantly, i don’t want to diminish the hugging the other two get.
so i’m happy with the underachieving i’m doing with the two i’ve got…
Maria.. interesting post! I have to agree and say that it is totally about personal limits and knowing what you can handle.
Having said that I am SOOO D.O.N.E with having kids. I had our second because I did not want our first to be an only child. I was afraid of the possible side effects with getting a tubal so we take other precautions. But two is my limit. It is hard work and I try to devote equal time to both of them I can’t imagine adding another to the mix.
I once saw that picture of the Duggars with a caption beneath it, motivational coffee mug-style. It said,
“Vagina: It’s not a clown car.”
…
And now? I am going to hell. For you.
I really agree with you. I feel bad that most of those kids can’t be kids because the older ones are raising the younger ones (at least it seems so with the Dugger family).
I have been battling with myself on having baby #2 lately – I’ve decided that yes, we’re (as a family) ready, but still. It’s hard sometimes thinking if you have enough room in your heart for more than one child.
Now … 6 kids? 7 kids? More? 12? 17? You aren’t a parent anymore, you are a circus ringleader.
(Just to add on to that “Clown Car” comment lol!)
I agree that parents should really think about how thin they’re willing to spread themselves when they choose to grow their family. In my own life, I know that having had twins once, our chances of having twins or triplets again is better than good. I don’t think I’d be a good parent to four or five kids. Maybe three, but not four. My husband doesn’t feel the same way, though. He’s pretty devout, and he feels that if God decided we could cope (that darn 99% success rate with birth control!), then we could.
I think a big family would be great. But, I’m also not a mother yet so I’m probably pretty ignorant.
I so completely disagree with you, on this one! I have four (born in 5 1/2 years) and we are trying for number 5 right now. We have no magic number, but will continue to have kids as long as we feel capable.
There is not one day that goes by that I do not feel exhausted at some point and self-doubting at some point. But I felt that with only one!
There is not one day that goes by that I do not spend individual time with each child, relish in seeing their relationships with each other and observe the way they profit from helping each other and me.
Parenting a large family is not the choice for everyone (obviously not for most people), but it IS the right choice for some people.
I knew a woman with a large family (7 kids) and she was not cut out for it. She hated homeschooling (they seem to walk hand-in-hand, huh?), was chronically exhausted and just looked worn out.
But I know MANY women who have large families, including a close friend who just birthed her 12th, who have incredible, close-knit, intelligent and amazing children.
My husband and I are complimented almost every single time we are in public on our children’s behavior. I believe it is not because we are perfect parents, but because we are parenting the family that we have been called to parent. We fit perfectly with our children, and they fit perfectly with us.
I know a few moms of one/two children whose kids spend more time in front of the TV then they do with mom. Of course, we have had to sacrifice some things in order to provide for a large family, but it is our choice and for me, worth it all the way.
I think Brangelia is BAKED! Why?!!? Why can’t they be happy with what they have?! I agree with you on so many levels here.
Undoubtedly, a few of the kids will be all effed up.
I could never have a third kid…I think I would spend all day in the bathroom crying…instead of just half the day like now :)
Ok, I’m a John and Kate + 8 watcher. The one thing I like about the show is that Kate is a bitch to John and they don’t hide it. They have a functionally dysfunctional family. You said they chose to have a shit load of kids.. well not really. They wanted three…the last pregnancy she ended up with sextuplets and she chose to not selectively reduce. Since you think it is wrong to have a shit load, does that mean you support selectively reducing in multiple pregnancies? Even when health is not a fatal issue to the mother or other babies?
Now with all your other examples, I whole heartedly agree!
It definitely is about what you can handle! I thought I was done with 3, but 4 decided to suprise us! And of course now I wouldn’t have it any other way! But at the time, I was an emotional wreck not knowing how I was going to be able to balance them all. It works out. I can’t imagine anymore.
My midwife told me something when I was pregnant with my second, because I was so concerned I would never love that baby as much as my first. She said “A mother’s love is never divided, each child gets it all.” I love that! A mother’s love though, not her time.
I completely agree. Sometimes, I feel bad for having 2 – but then my little one’s so awesome, I get over it! Plus, a lot of adults I know who were only children are selfish brats! But, yeah, I’m completely done with kids.
I’m glad Jenni spoke up because I feel the same way. A big family has a completely different dynamic than a smaller one, true, but if the parents are doing things right, it’s a healthy dynamic. Our family is large by some standards (I have 4 kids) and I have friends with 10 and 12 kids. I admire them and love seeing how their family works. It’s really amazing. I also don’t think older siblings helping out with younger siblings is a bad thing at all. Yes, that can be abused, and older siblings should never be raising their younger siblings, but I love seeing how much my children love and depend on each other. The bond they have is priceless, and where friends will come and go, they’ll always have each other.
I am in total agreement with you…I had a tubal after the first two but then 12 years and one new husband later, we decided to try again with a side of technology…I never would have had sextets like stupid Jon and Kate (we had a reduction). And their whining really pisses me off.
I love ya woman, but I couldn’t disagree more. I come from a big family and we all felt loved and had a special connection with our folks. Just because I couldn’t imagine being able to have 17 kids doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t do a fabulous job at it. Sure there are those that shouldn’t and do, but the ones you mentioned do not fall in that category. Just my opinion.
My siblings have become a gift that my parents have given to us. Such an amazing support system. I love having a big family. Wouldn’t have changed a thing. And if my hubby would agree I’d have 5 or 6 kids myself. But I’m crazy that way. ;)
And no. I’m not offended. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. :)
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