I’m an Agnostic Atheist. I raise my children without God, Buddha or any other Diety.
I’ve realized that in many eyes, this makes me immoral. And my children will indubitably be amoral. I am fine with that incorrect assumption and relish the fact that they don’t even know the definition of the word that they pretend governs their very existences. I refuse to accustom to societal standards if I don’t share in their purpose or ideals.
It’s not something I share often, in my real life. I’ve seen people that were very friendly with me for whatever amount of time slowly withdraw when they learn of my religious beliefs, or my lack thereof. As if I am some sort of virus that might infect them or their own ‘hallowed’ offspring.
I have Christian and Catholic friends. I grew up in a staunchly religious home, and I give almost a gratuitous reverence to all things Holy. It’s ashamed that I am not granted at least some level of respect for my personal choices. Godless does not mean evil. Not enough people realize this.
That saddens me, but I am willing to accept it. Something else I have to deal with on my anomalistic journey of motherhood.
My appearance has always been an issue for those that don’t know me. Like with my tattoos: it’s as if to strangers, having them solidifies my state in their mind as an irresponsible or incongruous example for my daughters, on top of being young and being unmarried [I am, I just don't wear a ring anymore, so it's not obvious]. I shied away from exposing them or getting more because of the glares of disdain and eyerolls from the ‘Ann Taylor’ moms @ playgroups. I removed the piercings that I had and stopped with the hair dye and heavy liner.
Then I stopped giving a shit. Seriously – I said ‘Fuck it – they don’t know me.’ and they don’t. I will have a sleeve before my 24th birthday. I will probably stretch my ears back out to a 3/4″. It’s time to stop letting them affect even the slightest aspect of me. It has nothing to do with class or maturity or whatever. It’s a matter of principal.
The only problem with that is the über-Republican-starched-khakis-collared-Polos person I married who prefers me docile and mundane in appearance, but that’s an entirely different blog.
People judge the unknown too harshly. I can see people assuming that I’m a criminal, another one that became pregnant in high school and leeches off of welfare; someone that probably feeds my children only PopTarts and Kid Cuisine and spanks them for getting into my weed stash.
In actuality, I’m a pretty decent mom. I’m a quasi-attachment parent who despises Bratz dolls [READ: plastic prostitutes] and has KidStuff as the number one preset on Sirius radio. Howard Stern is number two, yes, but that’s for J., not I, and the rule is: No Howard when they’re in the car. I don’t drink, I haven’t puffed a puff of anything since decided to conceive The Bella, and although I curse like a trucker’s spawn I have established the difference between ‘adult’ and ‘everybody’ words in my household.
I see a trend of more ‘hip’ mothers coming out of the woodwork in my area and I’m so happy about it. Maybe one day, there will be enough to make the cookie cutter Volvo driving moms feel maladroit in social settings and not me. Dreaming probably, but still…good dream.
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People do often judge from the outside. When I was 15, I got my eyebrow pierced (parents permission). I noticed a DRAMATIC difference in the way ’strangers’ treated me. I had it for about 9 months (I guess a teen phase), and it was funny to see how everything suddenly ‘went back to normal’. Within a span of 20 minutes the world can see you so differently, just as it can make you see the world differently.
you are so way cool…seriously!!! i’m so NOT into religion. i was raised jewish. my kids are being raised jewish but…in my heart…i don’t believe, really, in anything! it is kind of sad but, i’m ok with it!!
bratz dolls…blow job lips! :)
i love your blog…seriously!
ok, main purpose for stopping by tonight, beside reading your post…go to statcounter!!! sign up!!! it’s way cooler than google analytics! i just signed up…and, i’m stalking it…like every 1/2 hour…it’s already becoming a sickness!
Oh.My.
You have summed up exactly how I feel in one post.
(okay maybe not this one alone, as I am going to have to peruse the rest…)Yet you touched on a topic I agree with exactly.
so much to say…
Peace
Jodi
Well, I don’t drive a Volvo, and I wouldn’t shop at Ann Taylor if you held a gun to my head, but I am one of those moderate conservatives I imagine you’re talking about. I believe in God, but I believe God gave us the freewill to make our own choices in life, and I totally embrace ANYONE who doles out love and respect for their fellow man, regardless of their beliefs.
Funny, really. You feel ostracized by the Christian community for not sharing their beliefs. I’m in the Christian community, and I feel ostracized for defending your right to believe whatever you want. We’re not so different, you and me.
I love your moxie..I’ve always been the ‘outsider’ mom so I’m happy to welcome you. We are agnostic as well (I think that’s what happens when a Lapsed Lutheran weds a Jew). I’m not so much into tatoos but I am into piercings (though I think my belly button piercing is older than you…yeah, say it: old fart rebel) ;-)
So many of today’s “Christians” jump to judge anyone who lives in a way that slightly varies from the path they feel is the right one. Its sad, really. Who are we to know what is right?
Amoral doesn’t mean your kids will be unethical heathens, and raising them to figure out their own beliefs is incredibly admirable!!
<3
I think the hardest thing about being different is actually getting to the point where you don’t care that you’re different, you know?
Where you get to the point where explanations are unnecessary.
Honey, if someone doesn’t like how you look, how you think, how you feel… that’s their personal burden to bear and doesn’t have shit to do with you.
Yeah, sometimes it’s a bit lonely sitting out there on the oddball branch… But, man, what a view.
@stephanie – I know exactly what you mean. The days I happen to have my tattoos covered can be so different from the days that they aren’t.
@suchsimplepleasures – Blow job lips! *lololololol* I just signed up for Statcounter!
@jodi – Don’t you love it when you read something you could have written yourself with a few teaks? :D
@leendalu – What’s a moxie?
Jason and I are both agnostic – it makes raising them easier I think. A friend of mine is atheist married to a devout catholic. And she’s pregnant now…what to do, what to do!
@ averygray – I’ve never been in Ann Taylor. I do want a Volvo though, supposedly they are the safest cars to have. I want a Volvo SUV or station wagon. I’m such a dork.
But yes, I feel the same way you do. I respect any and everyone’s beliefs. :)
@mama-lama-ding-dong –
I had to keep scrolling down and checking the comment to ensure I was typing your name correctly. *lol*
OT- but you look really hot in your profile pic.
@judith shakespeare – I agree. And I had to do that, after I had my second. I realized that I didn’t need any damn mommy friends if they couldn’t be accepting of others. Seriously.
Hey, as long as you hold your kids to be numbero uno in your life and would do anything to keep them happy and healthy, you’re an A-OK mom in my book. Hell, I’ve got yakuza tats and beat people up (and get beat up) for sport. But no one – NO ONE would say I’m a bad dad. Ok, no one whose opinion I cared about. Keep doing what you’re doing!
@busydad –
Oooo…Yakuza!
I know lots about gokud? – I have a thing for Japanese culture, brought on by my obsession with good anime/manga.
Docile? What is this docile of which you speak? Kick ass woman. Be you, that will be the best lesson you can teach your children, respect differences and see beyond the surface.
Morals and “religion” are not mutually exclusive. Seriously.
I’m very strongly Christian, doesn’t mean I think differently of you. Not my fight. I love your comments. I adore your blog. Dude, Bratz=prostitots. Period.
My kids’ ‘godfather’ is agnostic. He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known.
Period. end of sentence.
Oh, and tats. Tats rock.
My town is jam packed with those Ann Taylor mommies-how boring! Please move to Jersey-I need a cool friend!
@Rachel – PROSTITOTS!! I LOVE IT!!!
You are such a cool, cool chick.
I am also raising w/o God. My husband’s only request about our marriage ceremony was that there be no mention of God. We were married by an Irish Catholic lesbian friend of ours (she got one of those one day licenses).
Some ppl are like, “you have to figure out the religion thing before you have kids.” Like teaching your kids religion is REQUIRED to raise “moral” children.
I’ve always lived my life with a strong moral compass, on the liberal/hippie side of life, and tried to live without regrets. I know I have been more “moral” than a lot of my religious counterparts and find it laughable that I am going to “hell” because I don’t accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
Oh girl, I think you got me going. Great topic, great blog. I think I love you.
Hey, now, you! Wait just a goshdarned minute! I drive an Audi, not a Volvo. Get it right. And I’m highbrow all the way, babe. My first tattoo is part of a Picasso painting. High art, man. High art.
P.S. Statcounter does rock.
Hey don’t knock the Kid Cuisine! Sometimes when a kid is throwing a fit and you just got home from work, they are a little miracle. And I sooo wish I had the balls to get a sleeve. I love tattos but where I work, with stuck-up rich asshats, I can’t really get any. They kinda look at me funny when they see the one on my ankle. It’s a heart with my son’s name in it. They probably think it’s some guy I dated or something dumb. Ahh screw them!
The latest from Tiffany…Freckles SUCK
Very true. Its so funny how folks always assume that motherhood is some universal stedford wives kind of club. Like why the hell would there only be 1 type of mother/mothering when no 2 children are alike??
I say break out the jewelry, show your ink, leave the ring for whenever you wanna wear it and continue being the ultra fabulous person that YOU are! =)
It is sad but the world does judge by appearances. I admit I am sometimes guilty of it. But I do try not to be judgemental of others especially because of the way they look.
About the Bratz…I hate them. They are definitely too slutty looking for little girls in my opinion. But I just judged them by their appearance.
Have a nice day
Coco
Coco´s last blog post..AS THE MIND WANDERS
Are you me, and I am you? Or we are one in the same? Without knowing it?
You hit the nail on the head with this one. Loved it.