To The Bella, the best movie of the year was Iron Man. Last year was Pirates of The Caribbean: At World’s End.
Goobalicious disagrees – The Incredible Hulk was hands down the number one film of 2008. Last year she was too young to care.
They are almost-five and three years old, respectively. And I allow them to watch ‘violent’ films. Films with bad language abound in our home. Monsters and killer robots and sword fighting and war. Protagonists that are usually bloodied and bruised by the time the last credits roll up.
The only films that are really limited to them are those with strong sexual content or that are meant solely to frighten or disgust. Oh, and those that teach them that little girls should always look to Prince Charming or that daddy will always be there (or should be there) to save them. The Bella has seen bits and pieces of Deathproof and 300 and she’s seen Kill Bill Vol. 2 in it’s entirety. I debated letting her see The Dark Knight or not this summer because I thought it might scare her, and eventually decided to.
This is just how I’ve decided to do things. You may disagree. But I don’t care.
I do not think that watching shit get blown up and bad guys get shot is going to create devious little miscreants that will inevitably destroy the world.
Some people do. I don’t get it.
My Bella, who has been watching these films basically her entire life has hit her sister once. One time, when Goobie had just turned two years old. She slapped her hand over some stupid quarrel over a toy. It was loud, but evidently not hard because Goobie didn’t make a peep. The Bella was reprimanded with an early bedtime and it never happened again. Ever. The Bella has never hit another child in her life.
How many of those that are turning your nose up at me right now can say the same thing about your own children?
Goobie, who just recently began to care about anything on television that wasn’t Spongebob or The Backyardigans, has more of a temper but is still completely devoid of malicious violent intent towards anyone. She went through a hitting spell this year, where her sister was the prime target. It’s safe to say now after a couple of months of no hitting that this spell has subsided. I limit what she sees a bit more than The Bella because despite her attitude, she has a sensitive nature.
Every person’s children are different. I think I have a good grasp on what my girls can or cannot handle. I know my kids.
I refuse to allow other people’s perceptions of me or my children, or what’s wrong or right by societal norms define how I parent. They are mine, and I am fully prepared to take responsibility if they shoot up their high school.
I also wonder how many people would think it was alright for them to watch these things if they were little boys….
Let me tell you – if you think these things do or will define the personalities and actions of my children, you are wrong. If you think that I am robbing them of their innocence, you are wrong. If you think that creating blissfully ignorant little mimes that are thrown into shock by the slightest rocking of upset in their delicate lives would be better for them, you are wrong.
To me, what is more dangerous is feeding them crap that will dampen their individuality and spirit. Or telling them that an unborn fetus’ life is more important than their own, and if not aborting a child means ruining their life in the future, then it is a fair exchange. Or shunning homosexuality and avoiding all situations in which they may be exposed to gay persons or being petrified at the thought of a book telling them that a Prince can marry a Prince. Coaxing them into submission with tales of imaginary beings like Santa Clause and his bag o’ presents or God and his streets of gold in the sky. But it doesn’t really matter to me, I don’t really care what you do with your own.
Next year, I’ll be the woman with the preschoolers at the opening showing of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Next year, Iron Man 2. The Avengers. Captain America. The next Bourne film. As well as The Frog Princess [which we'll be seeing despite my general feelings towards force feeding girls 'girly shit' for reasons needing their own blog post]. Up. Toy Story 3. I’ll have the most well behaved, quietest children there, as per usual, that will sit the entirety of the film munching on overpriced snacks and only opening their mouths to whisper me questions which I will gladly answer with a Shhh! right then, and a detailed explanation when we’re in the car on the way home.
I am fully confident in my ability to raise my children into wonderful people. I am convinced that no amount of Battle Royale or Saving Private Ryan can undo what I teach them. Some people feel differently. But please know that I may not agree with different things you are teaching your children and yet I still don’t feel so superior that I’d look down my nose at you or publicly shun your decision. They are your children. And I’m sure that you are raising them well by your own standards. Even though they might be different than mine. Give me the same courtesy, yeah? Ok.
Next time you go to a movie that you feel is innappropriate for a kid and see one there: as long as their parent is with them and the child’s not in hysterics or interrupting your personal experience, make sure you realize that you don’t know best for them because they are not yours and you really should mind your own business. Thanks.
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Why, oh why do people feel the need to tell us how to raise our kids? Silas watches what I feel he can process without confusing him.
The latest from Shania… I’m not above using my feminine wiles
Ok-I saw my first R rated movie at age 7. My older brother and sister took me to see R rated movie instead of The Aristocats. I’m fine. If you consider a woman who calls herself WT Mom fine. Which I think you might.
The latest from Michelle Lamar… Tampons of Terror: Tampon Bat
October 23, 2008 at 2:19 pm
I totally think you’re fine. Better than. :P
You always have thought-provoking posts.
I completely agree with you that watching violent movies doesn’t, in isolation, make a child violent. In fact, there have been quite a few studies recently disproving the idea that violent TV, movies, video games, etc make children more violent (and more hyperactive). That being said, there’s something in me that balks at showing violence to a young child. Maybe I cling to some notion of childhood innocence that is unrealistic or idealized. I hope I wouldn’t judge you for your decision to let your girls watch those films, but I couldn’t imagine doing the same thing myself.
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Besides my girls mom think things like this are funny.
http://www.whitetrashmom.com/2008/10/tampons-of-terr.html
The latest from Michelle Lamar… Tampons of Terror: Tampon Bat
Hell, I’m just jealous that your kids have that kind of attention span. Unless it’s a talking sponge or fucking High School Musical 291 mine won’t sit still long enough to watch it.
However. I cannot imagine a making a judgment on what’s appropriate for someone else’s child. There are too many real problems in the world for children without concerning myself about your kid knowing that Quentin Tarantino kicks ass.
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I was allowed to watch R rated movies fairly early in life. We had HBO and I was pretty much allowed to watch most things on it (the sexually explicit stuff came on after I was asleep anyway). My brother was too until he started making violent comments after seeing Rambo. then, appropriately I feel, my father explained to him that Rambo was not real and hurting people in real life is very very bad. Then my brother was more limited on what he could watch for a few weeks.
I have no kids, and over here in Europe, sex is showed to kids much more casually than violence, so I don’t know if there is such thing as a “right” or “wrong” way to go as opposed to a culturally appropriate and individual child appropriate way to go. The only thing I believe violent movies does is desensitize children to violence around them. I don’t think it makes them violent, but I do think they may end up feeling more non chalant about instances of real violence. Here where I am, adults still cringe at film violence because it is not something they were exposed to much via multi media as children.
I cannot agree with you more.
*queue Moment Clap followed by thunderous applause and a standing ovation
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” think I have a good grasp on what my girls can or cannot handle. I know my kids.
That’s the key right there. I didn’t like mine to watch horror movies, not because I thought it would warp his mind, but because I knew he would be waking me up in the middle of the night scared. His sister, nothing phased. I know my kids too. I don’t think a movie alone will change your child’s presonality.
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For my 11th birthday I had a sleepover. My dad took my to the video store and I chose Children of the Corn and Nightmare on Elm Street. He had no problem. My mum, however, took one look at my choice and sent my dad back to the store to grovel about changing my choice.
My boy’s seen 28 days later, he loves Resident Evil and if he gets to sit and watch the likes of Saving Private Ryan with his dad, well then they’re both happy. Ok, so his behaviour isn’t perfect, but I’m sure that’s more down to inappropriate parenting techniques on our part than the movies he watches. If the kid can cope (and clearly yours and mine can) then there’s no problem as far as I’m concerned. Waybe I’ll take him to see Saw 5?!
The latest from Vic… Brain Storm
October 23, 2008 at 7:54 am
I know I made a comment yesterday about the girls watching movies and having good taste. I hope you know it was honest and sincere and not at all sarcastic.
I wish you took Mommy and Me gymnastics. WISH. You should have seen the new mommy shutter when I admitted that my kids fav cartoon is old school Tom and Jerry. “WHA?” She said. “Isn’t THAT violent? I won’t let MY kids watch anything like that. Where do you think they learn violent behavior?” I didn’t say anything and I wished for you to be there so you could have at least given her a look. LOL
As for movies and television. Last year I went to a lecture put on by the man that pretty much helped develop ratings and helped develop the idea that no one under 2 should watch TV. I will spare you the long notes and let you know that he said… “A RESPONSIBLE PARENT IS A PARENT THAT WATCHES TV WITH THEIR CHILD.” I say, keep doing what you are doing, only you know them best.
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October 23, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Oh no, I know you meant it. :)
And I agree – watch it with them.
I made the mistake of not watching iCarly with The Bella and having to explain to her why it’s not nice to call her sister a Skunksack, even though ‘Sam’ says it to ‘Freddie’. *lol*
I agree. Watching with your child AND talking about it is everything.
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I let Jackson play Halo. But I make it clear that shooting up the school is not allowed and it won’t be tolerated.
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I agree with you 100%. My little guy looooved Iron Man, and has seen Kill Bill, and I am Legend. However, he still loves the Garfield movie and the kid show Goosebumps scares him. Go figure.
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Thank you! I could say more, but it would be pointless lol
For me, it’s not about them becoming horrible miscreants. I think that’s the parents’ doing, or lack of doing.
With my kids, it’s that my son has nightmares from movies. BUT he has nightmares from freaking Disney movies!! It’s about what we, as parents, feel is appropriate. PLAIN and SIMPLE!
In a lot of ways I’m like you. My kids pretty much watch anything. I am careful with language, especially now that my 3 year old is a little mimic. And I’m SUPER careful with sex! That’s it. Everything else, I try to explain and go from there.
Like you said, it’s the judging that show people’s true colors; not necessarily the choices of what they think is or isn’t right for their children.
I let Gilda watch things that my friends would never IMAGINE letting their kids watch. Gilda is a very well behaved, thoughtful child (most of the time – ha) – watching certain movies or shows is not going to change that.
We’re pretty liberal around here with the cursing. My parents were not – until they got in the car. I in no way thought I could call anyone at school a fucking asshole just because I heard my dad say it while driving. It’s pretty much the same thing with Gilda – she hears it, and knows she can’t go running around at school calling people bad names. She doesn’t even say bad words here at home, minus jackass sometimes, and that came from Shrek!
Anyway, I hate it when people shelter their kids too much in general. That IS me judging. It makes me nuts, though. Their kids aren’t going to step out into some bubbleworld protected by mommy and daddy. I get if they want their kids to keep their innocence, but trying to control everything (and everyone) around just isn’t going to happen.
I need to shut up. :) Volunteer time at the school.
Oh and there’s another one – wait til half those sheltered kids get to school! Ha
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I think it’s hypocritical that something with sexual content is worse for them than something with violence. One of the reasons people get so repressed about nudity and are so judgmental about things that Europeans scoff at is because violence is considered okay but sex is not.
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October 23, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I sort of see the hypocrisy, but then again I don’t.
To me, violence and sex are two completely different things, unless they are one in the same. I agree with you about the European thing. It really stands out to me sometimes of how jaded we are, most recently when I came across this picture that I tumbld and said “The sad thing is, is that more people will find this disgusting and perverted than beautiful and familial.” I think that’s why there’s such a stigma around public breastfeeding and things of that nature: because our children are taught that nakedness and any sort of sensuality, or anything that might provide a tingle in their pants is wrong.
But, do I need they need to see hardcore fucking – no. Just like I fast forwarded through the night-time-one-sided-game-of-chicken scene in Deathproof: there are some things that even I don’t approve of them seeing.
I would make a distinction between sex and/or nudity in film and sexISM in film. I generally don’t let my kids watch a lot of sex on tv not b/c it is worse than violence, b/c indeed it is not IMO, but because often the images are sexist.
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to me it’s a you-have-to-know-your-kid type of thing. i know exactly what my kids can and can’t handle..and in general we are far more liberal than most of our friends.
i’m so not in the camp that i think a violent movie will turn your kid violent. not at all.
for me it’s more about scaring the child…or having to explain concepts to children that i’m just not ready to deal with. there are many movies i wouldn’t take my 5-year-old to see in the theater…like Iron Man…but we downloaded it and he watched it in our home. where i could fast forward the scene that made me shudder in the theater. where the child has to see his father with a gun pointed at his head. i don’t think it’s something that will make my son turn violent. but it’s something i don’t know how it will affect him. does that make any sense at all?
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October 23, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I totally get what you’re saying – it makes perfect sense to me.
The Bella asks a LOT of questions [so many that I wish she had a mute button] and if she doesn’t understand something, I explain it. Movies have sparked discussions about politics, war, death, life, birth, sex, etc. with her. If something bothers her, she tells me and we discuss her fear or her disgust. I think I know how it will affect her in the future, but I really don’t.
I just hope that I’m taking steps that will not desensitize her from violence, but make her more aware of it and empathetic towards the victims instead of afraid and unsure.
I am 58. I could kill my 66 year old older sister Ginny for the harm she did to me. She was a wild child, she ran away from home at 15 and got married to a marine. But BEFORE that, when she lived at the house, she hung out with Elvis and that crowd, mid 50’s, slicked back hair “Duck T” I think they called it women in jeans tighter than today, leather jackets, genuie hot rods, rumble seats, 55-57 chevy’s, the ORIGINAL ones, the James Dean scene. My parents would go out saturday night leaving her in charge of me and my younger older sister, 4 years older than me. My sweet Ginny would then have her BFF come over and they would take us to the movie theater, order us to sit in the lower level while she and her BFF would go up to the upper neck lounge where you could also smoke, and then after the horror movie, take us home and in her small minded way sit us in front of the telly and have us watch the Lawrence Welk show thinking that after seeing some horror flick, watching that show would somehow neutralize the horror this 7 year old had seen. Of course she would threaten us with sure death if we squeeled to our parents about the nights events.
Every time i see her, I give her a nuggie for that.
LOL
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I totally abhor TV but I don’t censor movies-odd. Sam’s fave is Little Miss sunshine-which talks baout homosexuality, death, suicide, drugs….good for you! I totally agree with this post-as long as parents are there to answer questions and talk about things with the kids, it is all the better.
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I agree that it is up to the parent to decide what their child can and should watch.
I also agree that watching violence, etc. does not make someone violent.
Having said that I do believe that violent images are often disturbing to young children who may not have the maturity to contextualize or process them. Kids learn this at their own pace, granted, but I do not want to expedite my child’s maturity where this is concerned.
I believe that exposing human beings in general, and kids especially, to scenes of horror, torture, mayhem and gore desensitizes them to human suffering. Again, I can’t prevent this (after all I do WANT him to watch the news one day) but I will shield it from him as long as possible because I don’t want him to become jaded and ironic about violence depicted in movies and other media.
Ideally, these “extreme” secnes are meant to have impact – I don’t want to rob him of their power by exposing him to them in a nonchalent fashion at any early age.
My two cents…:-)
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October 23, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I don’t think it desensitizes them to human suffering, just that it makes them aware that it happens. We look at a lot of photography and documentaries. When the Olympics were on I took the opportunity to explain to them what was happening in Tibet and in Sudan. I showed them photos. They may not understand exactly, but they ‘get it’ somewhat.
We watched X-Men and after the scene where Magneto is separated from his family at a Nazi death camp, Bella asked me why that happened and what was going on. So I told her a little bit about Hitler and WWII. I also introduced her to Anne Frank that day.
My girls are lucky enough to be growing up in a peaceful, happy, comfortable household, but not every child is afforded that luxury, and I am proud that they realize that. They can maintain their innocence and childhood even while being more cognizant than their peers that there are people in the world that can’t.
I see no real problem with your approach, Maria. Me and my brother were allowed to watch all kinds of violent movies, tv shows, and cartoons growing up and we turned out just fine, not too violent at all. I’ve killed very few people, and most of them deserved it.
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Let me tell you something: High School Musical romanticizes teen violence, and everybody LOVES that one.
I realize that statement was awfully controversial and deserves to be backed up, but I’m actually writing about it so I can’t.
But damn, people, just because it says rated G or PG that doesn’t mean you should blindly trust.
Every parent has the right to raise their children as they see fit, as long as it is in their children’s best interest. Period.
A-freakin’-MEN
I mean, my son has played games like Vice City since he was waaaay young. he’s now 14 and he knows the difference between good and bad.
I think movies and games really don’t influence kids as long as their parent/s and home life are grounded enough so that they know it’s all make believe and you don’t act like that in society.
Some people are just stupid and carry shit too far.
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