Immoral Parenting: Death
November 22nd, 2008 Posted in Mothering
Bella: Are you going to die?
Me: Yes.
Bella: When you’re old, right?
Me: Not necessarily. I hope so, but I could die anytime. I could die right now just sitting here talking to you. Or I could get in a car accident and die. Babies die, kids die, grown ups die, old people die. You never know when you’re going to die.
Bella: Well, I think you should die after me. So I don’t see you die.
Me: But I think you should die after me, so I don’t have to see you die.
Bella: Well, we can die together! And then Goobie can die after us. And daddy. Goobie can die with daddy.
Me: We don’t get to choose.
Bella: Oh. Well. Don’t die, ok?
Me: I’ll try not to. You try not to, too.
Bella: Ok!
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Don’t fear the Reaper. ;) It’s just another part of life.
I think that talking about death and dying is one thing that tons too many parents these days are afraid to talk about honestly with their kids. Way to go for doing it – I think it actually helps kids a lot to grasp the way the world works.
Damn good advice!!!!
One of my most memorable (aka scarring) conversations with my mother from childhood started like this one…but didn't go so well after that. Bottom line: You're a better Mama than my Mom was ;)
Has Bella been talking to Princess because we've held that conversation multiple times around here. multiple. recently.
:-) I like how you handled it. Good job momma.
That is an interesting discussion. It is always a topic here from my father being in heaven. ut the reality I do not think is set in of what that really means. Very cute though, very cute.
The next one is actually a heaven/hell discussion we had last week. Might
ruffle some feathers. *shrugs*
Oh man! I've had this convo many times. Handled it pretty much the same way. But, Bella, that Bella is creative!! ;)
So, were you listening at my son's bedroom window a few nights ago, or what? Our conversation went on for quite a long time, though. And he told me that he thinks dying is probably like being born backwards. Sometimes, the depth of a kid's mind and emotions amazes me…
D'oh….ok, heart strings! Damn kids…always gotta like…well, have to ask about reality….that comes soon enough for them…:(
Sounds like a plan to me.
so precious :)
[in a very little voice]: Oh.
That just tugged a huge heartstring.
Gulp.
kids. gotta love 'em. that was very sweet.
I remember when I was really young, maybe 3 or 4, asking my mother about death and feeling sad that eventually we were going to die. And you know what, I am not a kid, but I still doe feel bad about that. Sometimes.
Cheers,
Anita
Sounds like you two have a good plan.
Sounds like a plan! :)
And I can only hope to be half the momma you are someday. That was an awesome convo.
Alright, I'm just going to copy every parenting thing you do, from here on out. Consider yourself nommed for mentor.
I just love that entire conversation. My first instinct would be to say “I´ll die when I´m old and you will too”. But that´s just crap.
I love how it was as simple as 'try not to die' and that made enough sense. We could learn a thing or two from kids!!
That reminds me of when Pooh says to Christopher Robin, ” If you live to be 100 then I want to live to be 100 minus a day so I never have to live without you.” Or something like that.
Parents tip toe around the issue of death (and so many other topics) out of fear, maybe even denial.
You were honest with her, but in such a matter-of-fact way so as not to cause fear, but to instill trust that you'll always be honest with her no matter what.
I hope I can be as honest with J when he ask the same question as Bella . . .
I really don't see how that could've been done any better. Good job!
she really is a sweet little thing
Oh, yes, those conversations are always fun, aren't they?
I'm so glad the death topic hasn't come up at my house yet, even though they've seen pets die.
I've had a similar conversation with Devin. My husband can't figure out why I don't just say “OK, I won't die!” – but I have this THING about not lying to him.
Nice. Very straightforward. I like it.
Is it weird if this conversation both tugged at my heart AND made me smile?
My husband *swears* he's going to “download his consciousness into an electronic medium” so I'll always be able to talk to him, no matter what. I hope he doesn't get bored in there . . .
As difficult as it is for me to understand/face/accept death these days, I think this is a sound approach.
My daughter was up scared and crying about the day, whenever it is, that her father and I die. She said, “You and dad dying is my number one nightmare, and number two is me dying, and that bad thing is it's a nightmare that I know will eventually come true.”
I wish I could take that feeling away from her, and keep her from ever having it again, but I haven't even figured out how to never have that feeling myself.
Yup.
“Bella: Well, we can die together! And then Goobie can die after us. And daddy. Goobie can die with daddy.”
She's got it all figured out.
I hate thinking about my children dying, but unfortunately what you said is true. You never know when it's going to happen. Best to be honest about it.
Donnie has never questioned death yet.. I mean we have discussed heaven and all but never in detail like this.. I am stealing this conversation for future use.. thanks..
Now that was a kick ass conversation about death!