How romantic would it be to call myself a writer? It seems so much more supple an answer than ‘a mom’ or ‘a student’ or ‘a freeloading wise ass’. ‘Oh, I’m a writer’, said nonchalantly even though my insides would be fluttering about wildly as the words left my lips.
I’m a very pessimistic person, and I don’t think that my writing is that good. Sometimes, I write something that I’m proud of here on this blog, and someone says I’m a great writer in the comments and my heart swells, but then I read another blog, an entry that to me is not very good, and the people in the comments are fawning over how wonderful of a writer that person is and it knocks me back down into reality. The reality that I’m mediocre at best, because sometimes, when it’s evident that you’re attempting to write well, people somehow feel obligated to tell you that you did. So, I take hearing it with a grain of salt.
But sometimes, I believe it. Like when Maggie tells me. Oh, my, how I love my Maggie. To me, there is not another blogger in existence that writes like she does. She has the most amazing talent that I have ever seen here in this grand ol’ blogosphere and she awes me. I’ve actually cried reading her posts before, and it wasn’t because it was a sad one – it was because it was so, so very excellent. I felt privileged to have read it. My heart broke when she quit, and leaped when she changed her mind and returned.
Maggie told me that I should stop blogging my Dance, Dance posts and start writing them. Drafting a book proposal. I argued with her, but she told me she believed in me. She believed it was marketable, and she believed in my talent. I told her, truthfully, that if she had been any one else to suggest it, that I would have waved off the notion completely. But because it was her, I considered it. I told her that if I was to ever be lucky enough to get a book deal that I’d dedicate the book to her. I’ve been considering her suggestion for a few days now, wavering between yes and no.
Today, while watching an old episode of The L Word, I decided on yes. It was a scene where Jenny opens her mail and receives a manuscript rejection letter from a publisher. She then turns around and tacks it up on the wall, and as the camera zooms out, you see that it’s one of dozens.
I realized that half of my battle with myself was not with believing in myself, but it was with dealing with the fact that others wouldn’t believe in me. My fear of rejection, my hatred of the word ‘no’. I realized that if I didn’t jump that hurdle, I’d never go anywhere but into a deep hole of regret and self loathing for never attempting it. I realized that the person I’ve grown to respect and admire most as a writer since I started blogging over 5 years ago was behind me, and that I could do it. So I will. Can’t hurt to try.
There will be no more ‘Dance, Dance’ posts published here. Not for a while anyway. I’m going to compile my stories and shop around my idea and hopefully one day, you’ll see it in print. This actually works out better. When blogging, I try to remain conscious of how long each post is, writing and then editing out the unimportant details as best I can. If each story is a chapter in a book, I don’t have to delete details and happenings like I do here, and I can really share my experience. It’ll be an uphill battle, but hey: life is.
Just in case I don’t get a book – I wanted to dedicate something to you. And this post is that.










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That’s great!! I wish you all the luck in the world and success in finding a publisher!!
The latest from Kristyn…Nervous, yup, that’s me!
That book will be awesome – and i want an autographed copy! (Please!)
You are an awesome writer. I don’t say that to be nice – because we all know I am not really very nice.
So there! :P
The latest from Sybil Law…Big Bang
Hot Damn. I hope someday I’ll have the balls to write my heart and that someone will speak of me that way.
Yeah! I am so glad you decided yes- I think it would so unlike anything else out there and I know I will be in line to buy it!
The latest from Margie…Karma, baby
You are a writer, so there. Maggie and I are in cahoots.
The latest from flutter…Into the sleeping (alleged) mind of flutter
Good luck to you. I have been really considering making some of my short stories publishable and I do understand the fear of mediocrity/rejection. I hope I see you in print one day!
The latest from Lilacspecs…Feel the Burn
Thank god for Maggie since you didn’t want to listen to the rest of us telling you what a fucking fantastic and beautiful writer you are.
So I’ll say thanks to Maggie too, for making Maria finally listen to some reason.
Love you Maria. I’ll be first in line to buy your book. And you KNOW anytime you want to feel like a real writer, just come to my blog :D
The latest from Miss…A Choice
Maria, your writing IS that good! I love your blog, and sometimes it’s funny or silly, but other times I am just blown away by your life, your experience, and the way you capture it. I’m really glad that you’ve decided to go for it! You CAN do it, and I can’t wait to read it!
The latest from Rachael…Perfect Post: Palin & Getting Played
I think that’s the perfect decision. I wish you the best! I knew you when……
The latest from dysfunctional mom…My First Political Post
I don’t know Maria… I’m liking what I just read over at DMD and everything I’ve read here before.
Yeah, Maggie is a great writer. But so are you. We all just have our own voice and it’s hard not to get up in others sometimes. Plus you’re super fun in real life to top it all.
You Go Girl!
I guess you’ll just have to listen to the rest of us tell us what a wonderful writer you are.
The latest from deb on the rocks…A Night-Night story for Sarah Palin’s Baby
Although I hate that your stopping Dance Dance on here; I impatiently wait for you to get your book out there, because I will be one of the firsts in line to buy it!
The latest from Stephanie…Cindy’s Baby Shower
I thought the same thing about your Dance, Dance posts.
If you are ever looking for test readers on your way to finishing it, I would be THRILLED to volunteer. I have a writer’s group that meets now and we read each other’s stuff and it’s so helpful.
And I’ll be expecting an autograph when it’s published.
The latest from manager mom…At Least I Know What She Wanted To Buy At Target
You are totally a writer and I will so buy your book.
The latest from Jenny, Bloggess…It would be even funnier if we later found out that God’s name actually was Chuck.
I gave you an award on my blog! Whee. :)
The latest from Maria…celebrating stillness
BTW, I definitely think you’re on the right track. And I prefer your writing style to Diablo Cody’s if we’re going to start comparing risque memoirs. (Is that a genre yet?)
I want to write a memoir about working with porn for four years. Some day. When I won’t get sued for it.
The latest from Maria…celebrating stillness
Ohhhh, wow!
Maria, you give me way, way, way more credit than I deserve. I mean, you totally rock, and I’m so glad you’re listening to me, and I’m so proud of you, but I’m also in no way qualified to judge the way you think I am. I just told you what all these people have been telling you all along.
I’m horrifically flattered, though. Just totally, totally, totally blown away by what you said here. Thank you. :) :) :)
The latest from maggie, dammit…Gustav
I have to say that opinons matter in the case of who’s writing is great and who’s is mediocre. I thoroughly enjoy your writing, and I agree, when I see comments saying ‘OMG! this is amazing writing’ some places I think ‘Wha? Did I just read the same thing??’ BUT, Maria-I have to disagree with your idea of editing out unimportant details. I would hate to think of what you with hold-share, share it all!
The latest from traci…What Keeps You Up At Night?
Brilliant idea! I’ll look forward to purchasing (my signed by the author) copy.
The latest from leendaluu…
Isn’t it amazing to have a cheerleader like Maggie? Hand to god she *still* drags my unwieldy carcass through every assignment I take on.
All it takes is one person to beleive in you, especially as a writer. Maggie did that for me too. It’s a powerful thing.
I can’t wait to see your book hit the shelves, Maria.
The latest from Pare…Um.
Fantastic decision :)
Once you start calling yourself something, you tend to become it.So,there you are. You ARE a writer.Deal with it.
The latest from Jupiter…Jupiter doesn’t pick on teenage mommies
WONDERFUL decision. I’d buy it in a heartbeat.
(I don’t think I write well either, and never understand it when people say I do.)
The latest from Honeybell…Cookies, Promises, and Makeup. Oh My!
I will sooo buy that book!
The latest from Don Mills DIva…Beware: I will steal your sons
Good for you! I’ll buy your book WHEN it’s published.
The latest from Carolyn Online…Clemson vs. Alabama
I agree Maggie is pretty awesome.
I agree with her, YOU are pretty awesome yourself.
And I agree with both of you, start writing THAT book. It will be the most awesome.
FYI. Even my mother tunes in when you wrte those posts.
The latest from ohmommy…The post I wasn’t going to post.
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