My Mind is in the Gutter.

While everyone, or no one, according to those pesky Nielsen ratings, was watching the Oscars both of my televisions were tied up recording The Tudors, The L Word**, and Law & Order: Criminal Intent so I sat watching Perfect Stranger.

Two words. Giovanni Ribisi. Holy hell. I have never found him attractive, previously. Cute, maybe, but nothing worthy of swooning or exceptional remembrance. Holy hell. Holy friggin’ hell. He was hot. He was everything I fiend for besides tall and tattooed. He was all geeky-best-friend-stalkerish-hiddenly-hot-innocent-freakazoid.
I was done when he had Halle Berry cybersexing him unknowingly and he said “put your fing-”- no. Watch the movie. When you get to that part, if you don’t feel a tingle you need to get checked out. I’m just sayin’. I’m not even one for dirty talk – I prefer quiet. Don’t talk to me, don’t boss me. Just shut up, close your eyes and let’s go. But Ribisi…holy hell, Ribisi.

I feel you guys out there reading this..doubting me…
I don’t appreciate it.
But I’ll gladly prove my point:

[Edit: Let me break in here to explain to you all that he is *not*, I repeat is *not* masturbating or having sex in the above three shots. He was on the phone. And no it wasn't during one of 'those' conversations. He does look like he's gettin' it on though, eh?

But - in the fourth one up , second one down, he was about to reach in his pants. It was during that aforementioned cybersex session. Yummy.
Now: back to your regularly scheduled Ribisi fix.]

I was glad to hear that Javier Bardem won the Oscar, and that No Country for Old Men swept up 4 awards. That film deserved it. The Coen Brothers deserved it. If anyone, even after O Brother, Where Art Thou? could doubt their genius – they should have been easily and willingly silenced after No Country. Absolutely amazing. When we went to see it in the theaters I remember that it had the entire audience so captivated that when the screen went black at the ending, every person in the crowd went ‘Aaaaawwwhhhuuuuuhhhh???’ in disappointment and disbelief. Before the applause started. It. Was. Excellent. If you haven’t seen it: please, do. You won’t regret it.

Javier as Anton made the film. But damn, why does everyone who wins an Oscar have to be beat with an ugmo stick beforehand? You’d never know how hot he is if you’d only seen him in that movie. He’s all big and olive skinned and constantly 5 ‘o clocked shadowed and that thick Spanish accent is soooo sexy. He can show me his Oscar an-y-time. And hey, if anyone out there knows where I might be able to acquire a captive bolt pistol, please point me in the direction of the nearest merchant. I have some um, big ass um… ants I need to get rid of.

*blinks*

Wha’?

*stares vacuously*

I do!!

** – Does anyone watch The L Word? I am going to strangle Adele, I mean what the hell is her problem? And Nikki – someone please tell her to grow up. And Jenny – I halfway hope her movie bombs so she’ll get over being so fucking full of herself. And Bette – the indecisiveness is killing me Go back to Tina, break up with Jody and get it over with! And those She-Bar bitches – I only hope Kat can put them out of their misery before they go even farther. I still wanna do Shane. She’s my lesbo crush. She’s hot, in all of her confident androgyny.

You know, it was not my intention at all to make this entry so heavy with obvious signs of my sexual angst. It just kind of turned out that way. This womanly cycle of mine needs to release me so that I can get laid.

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