Understatement of the year.
He took my girls from me this weekend.
Short version?
He accused me of domestic assault after an argument Saturday evening and had me put in jail for the weekend. I was released Monday. No, this has never happened before[I mean we've fought an enormous amount but the law was never involved], I’ve never been arrested or handcuffed or whatever – I am a purely law abiding citizen. I find it almost comical that he can accuse me of hitting him when I don’t even spank my children but whatever…
He put a restraining order out on me, stating that I was an abuser and a danger physically and emotionally to him and to our daughters. All of this because I told him I was taking them and moving out. He knows that the only way for him to really hurt me, after 5 years of utter and unadulterated bullshit, is to infringe on my relationship with my babies. They have never been with him more than one night alone, and never away from me more than a weekend.
That is including our 2 year separation – when we were in completely different towns, from 12/04 – 5/07. And being as my residence has never been fully with him these past months, and we were still in a transitional maybe/maybe not mode….
It’s horrible, and I’m in an inexplicable amount of pain, but I’m dealing.
It’s very hard to know that someone that’s supposed to love me is willing to do something to this extent to hurt me. I wonder what I did to make him hate me this much. There had to have been something, right?
On top of it all, he’s asking for spousal and child support from me, and being I was a stay at home mom for the better part of our entire marriage, it just epitomizes how vindictive and evil he is. He also has claimed possession of the car which is mine, and he has a permanently revoked license so he can’t drive it anyway.
My court date for the restraining order/custody is tomorrow. I’m trying to stay calm and not flip out and I have a great group of friends supporting me and making sure that doesn’t happen. The simple assault/domestic violence court date is February 11th.
Anyway, I just thought I’d update you all. Hopefully I’m be typing around Goobie sitting on my lap and The Bella leaning on my arm as usual tomorrow when court is over.
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OH my gosh. I’m so sorry this has happened. What a complete nightmare. I hope you’re with your girls soon. Give me an update on how your hearing went…
I’m so sorry for you! Just remember to stay calm in court. Outbursts will only make you look bad, no matter how justified they are. If you state the facts calmly and without profanity, it will be obvious that you are a mature, capable mother.
I will be praying for you.
Man, people can be just evil. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I hope everything turns out in your favor. Prays are heading your way.
Oh, my. Please find yourself a good lawyer and listen to Jenni’s advice..be calm and self possessed and you know, he is going to make that difficult for you. Focus on the girls. If they want you to go for a psychological examination, then do that willingly (it will only prove that you are a good mother). Show up on time and dress conservatively… It’s just one of those games you have to play. I’ve been there, I know (not the jail part but the vindictive ex-husband).
As others have stated, find a great lawyer who is experienced in this.. We will all be saying prayers and hope that your two little ones are back in your arms in no time..
Oh, goodness. I’ll be praying that your friends can prove to be excellent character witnesses. And, can paint him for the troll he is.
That is horrible.
You have my support.
I can help you find an excellent lawyer if you end up needing one.
Christ, woman. My heart and thoughts go out to ya. How totally horrendous.
I’m so sorry. You’ve gotten some good advice here. I don’t really have much more to add except to say that while you go through everything you are right now, please be kind to yourself. In no shape, form, or fashion are you to take responsibility for HIS actions. Any and all abuse he inflicts (mental or emotional) are about HIS malfunctions, not yours.
Please do keep us posted. Take care.
I’m so sorry to hear about this! Hang in there. You are very young and smart and you WILL get through it.
@monica – Thank you so much. :)I will.
@ jenni – Calm and cool – that’s me! The profanity part is the hard part. *lol*
@leendalu – I know that you can’t get a fair shake in family law without a lawyer if the other party has one. That’s always most important!
@kimmylyn – Thank you so much.
@Scylla – Thanks. I might take you up on that.
@Manners & Moxie – Thank you so much. :)
Wow. Just…wow. Low. That’s all I can say. Hope it turns out in your favor. Yikes.
Love and fear, darling… the only two emotions in life. He still loves you on some level, and he fears losing you, so he’s lashing out. Understanding that does not have to make you like him or his actions. But understanding will help you keep your cool and plot your next move in the best light.
Good luck.
I’m finally catching up on my blogs and I see this. I’m so sorry you had to go through this but I am glad to read that you got those beautiful babies back!