White is Alright?

by Maria on April 25, 2008

in Self, The Bella

haikufriday White is Alright?“You look like mommy.”
“WHA’? I do not look like you!”
“Yes, you do Bella.”

“I’m not brown!” she sneers
my heart hurts for our future
“You still look like me…”

“No I don’t!” she shouts
and stamps her foot in anger
“Yes. Just a little lighter.”

“I’m…I’m…I am pink!”
She looks smug; pink is better
Where did this come from?

I’m at a loss now
will she be ashamed of me?
will she come to terms?

Half white, Quarter Black
and a quarter Mexican
Very far from pink.*

She’s only four though
I’ll explain it when she’s five,
maybe she’ll get it. **

l d9ab487af6272246802a3eac1c143b54 White is Alright?

[*By pink, she meant white.]
[**Yes. Avoidance. You try dealing with this.]

{ 80 comments }

I already don't like you…

by Maria on April 24, 2008

in General Bitching

Do you call yourself a MILF?

Then you suck.
I cannot stand that shit.
Stay far away from me.
Or I might pull your jeans down and expose your cellulite.
Don’t have any? I’ll pinch your thighs until I create some.

{ 78 comments }

I'm really not that interesting…

by Maria on April 23, 2008

in Self

Ruthie @ My-Mama-Drama tagged me for the ‘8 Random Things about Me’ Meme.

Here are the rules:
1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment on their blog and tell them they’ve been tagged, and to come back and read your blog for the whole story.

1. As honey-roasted-peanut-butter-brown [I ? my own skin tone, is that a crime?] as I am, I blush naturally. My cheeks will turn the most violent shade of pink when I’m hot or cold and sometimes, when I’m embarrassed. Also, when I’m angry, or anticipating anger, my ears become hot. It feels as if all the blood rushes to them and they are on fire. Seriously, if you touch them, they are hot to the touch. Actually though, don’t touch them, or me. Because if my ears are hot I’m probably going to go the fuck off very shortly and you don’t want to be anywhere near me.

2. I am a true believer that personality and/or intelligence can make a person more physically attractive. Well, especially intelligence. No, it won’t disguise the double chin or the scrawny arms but it will make them less noticeable. Of course it’s best to be sweet, smart, and gorgeous, but if you can’t be all, be the two aforementioned.

3. I get way too invested in my television dramas. I am livid that they are once again switching up the main players on some of the Law & Orders. L&O is losing Detective Ed Green and SVU is losing Detective Lake and ADA Novak. And, CSI: is ridding itself of Warrick Brown. What in the holy hell is going on with my shows!?! I cried at the season finale of Eli Stone, and I was absolutely floored at the official announcement by NBC that they won’t be renewing Journeyman. TV stresses me the fuck out.

4. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my beef stew is the best on the planet. I guarantee it. Yes, better than your Montana born and raised grandmother’s. The beef quite literally melts in your mouth, the carrots and potatoes absorb all the flavors of the seasonings, the gravy is just thick enough to coat your spoon. It’s fucking perfect.

5. I have maintained my slave-traded chocolate free stance completely since discovering the cause. I’ve had not one product containing cocoa from The Ivory Coast. As much as I love a Snicker’s, I’ve not had a taste of one. Not a brownie, not a chocolate chip cookie, not a kiss, nothing. Yay, me!

6. I’m going to return to vegetarianism soon. I haven’t yet decided if I’m going to take the girls back with me. They were both vegetarian for a decent period of their lives, but then I decided that it’s a choice that I don’t want to force on them. That they should be able to decide whether they value the existence of non-sentient beings enough to avoid eating them for themselves. Now I think that letting them eat meat is just as drastic a decision as not letting them. So I’m torn.

7. I have an intense crush on Al Pacino. I always have, as long as I can remember. I’m supposed to see 88 minutes tomorrow night, and I’m sure I’ll swoon over his old ass the entire time. No matter how old he gets, I will love him. And find him sexually enticing. Wrinkly, shriveled, age-spotted and all…

8. I’m working on Indecisive Pt. 2. It looks like there will be more than just one part – probably 2 or 3. So, a happy medium for those of you who wanted it to be weekly. I’ve carefully avoided having to write any sex scenes. Using ‘throbbing member’ and ‘heaving breasts’ just doesn’t sound as natural to me as ‘dick/cock’ and ‘tits’. So unless you want some ‘…and he thrust his cock deep inside of her, eyes rolling back from the pleasure: the wetness, tightness…’, you want to avoid me writing anything dealing with sex. I’m just sayin’…

{ 72 comments }

Three Things -

by Maria on April 19, 2008

in Miscellaneous


that I’ve said this week…

  • “Goobie! Get outta your ass!” – It was just before bath time and she was enjoying walking around with a hand in her crack. It was weird.
  • Wow, that’s a gorgeous penis.” – It is.
  • I love this bitch.” – every time I read a comment from Sybil Law.

that I’ve realized this week…

  • swallowing is a surefire ease for menstrual cramps. Yes, swallowing. Try it, ya prudes. Just blowing doesn’t do it for me, I have to swallow it for it to have an effect. And yes, he loves my period.
  • Courtney has officially spoiled me. I’ve been looking for a standard WordPress theme to satiate me until she could try to transfer bits and pieces of my layout here there, so that I could move to ImmoralMatriarch.com now because all these greedy people are taking up copius amounts of her paid time. She isn’t free until friggin’ July. I can’t find one. There’s something wrong with ALL of the templates that I see, and because I’m no XHTML/CSS junkie, I can’t edit them to my liking. I’m going to keep looking though, and I hope to debut over there in the next few weeks. Stay tuned.
  • I still love my husband, very much. I forget sometimes.

{ 81 comments }

I *was* done….

by Maria on April 16, 2008

in Catharsis

but not anymore. I have @ least one last thing I need to say.

Some of you may remember a blog from a couple of months ago where I described the shitty circumstances in which I and a couple of my friends were booted from a mommy group. And you may remember the follow up blog to that in which I really broke it all down. Well, with that, I said all I had to on the topic.

But, evidently, some of the women on the other side of things haven’t let things go. They’ve posted ridiculous comments to the blog of Jenee, one of my girls who was kicked out with me, and started dumbfucked threads on the old mommy site. There’s even been a blog started in mimicry of mine by Snake Bitch Abigail, who I am now fine with saying is actually named Ashley – no more pseudonyms.

Well, I feel the need to tell you, all of you, any of you bitches that still want to run your mouths where you believe your words won’t be relayed back to me and mine, or where you think you’re out of my reach – you are all fucktards.

Alison, Reenie, Marsha, Beth-Ann, whomever the fuck else is on your side or in your corner – you are all bitches that can fuck a horse for all I care. All the anonymous cunts that hide behind that quasi-anonmity of the internet and say little dumb shits, fuck you too – you can straddle a sibian after a herpes infected porn star.

I like how when a ‘Goodbye Cruel World!‘ thread was created on Wilmingtonmommies.com by Air Head Alison claiming to be sooo hurt by the cliques and bad mouthing on the site, 3 fucking months later, asking for sympathetic ass-licking and ‘please don’t go’s!’, it remained until Temple nipped that shit in the bud with her own post calling you cunts out. Then OOPS! [delete delete delete]! Way to selectively use those administrating skills Marsha!

I have been over this since it happened. Shit, I was over it beforehand. So, before you tell someone else to get over something, or before you start slinging baseless insults at anyone, realize that all it does is make me more confident in my apprasial of your characters. And for the record, if you couldn’t tell – I don’t give a flying fucktastic fart what you think about mine.

“And that’s all I have to say about that.”*
- Forrest Gump

*I think.

{ 78 comments }