“Jim is a really great guy. You know how you meet some people and you can automatically tell that they are genuinely good folk – from the very beginning? He’s like that. I’m happy to give him a space to let out all the profanity that he can’t on his own blog. All he had to do for me in return was agree to get his really, really, super hot fireman friend drunk when I come visit so that I’m able to take advantage of him. Good deal, I’d say.”
If you already know me, how the hell are ya!? For those of you who have never heard of me, don’t worry, this daddy is a made man within the inner circles of the Mommy Blogging Mafia. Blogher 08. Shots. That’s all I’m authorized to divulge about the initiation ceremony.
It feels really good to chill for a minute and do a guest post on Maria’s blog, because Maria is a what’s happenin hotstuff and I can write words like fuck and shit and stupid (That’s a no-no word. Proof I’m a dad). I try to keep the language fairly clean on my blog because Fury (my kid’s real-life nickname) loves to read about himself, and he knows the bad words. But here? Gloves come off, fuckers.
Posts I Would Have Re-Named If I Cursed on My Blog
(Because I am not a link whore, I did not hyperlink these. Traffic to my blog is not the point here. I’m just having fun with swear words. But if you are actually interested, you can find quick links to all of these on my blog post where I send everyone here.)
- Knocking Out My Demons –
Watch Me Almost Get Knocked the Fuck Out
- (Toy) Breaking News –
Bitch Ass Dogs Chewed the Collector’s Edition Action Figures I Got From the Star Wars Convention
- Homies On A Train –
Scared Shitless
- Darwin Would Be Proud –
That Darwin Was One Smart Motherfucker
- Giving it the Old Jamaican Bobsled Try… –
Who the Fuck Nominated Me? You Fuckin’ Rule
- In Other News Vol. 1-4 –
Giving Away Shit So You’ll Like Me, Vol. 1-4
- If Fury Wants To Hang Out, Dial 9-1-1 –
You Bitches Just Like Me For My Hot Fireman Friend
- Always Late –
Hanging with Hawt Bitches at BlogHo 08
- I Must Really Like You Guys –
I Can Cook Really Good Shit
- Rollin’ on tha Eastside… The Far Eastside –
I Spent Too Much Fucking Time Editing This Video. You Better Watch It And Comment the Shit Out of It. Yeah, This Title is Long. Fuck You.
- Do Parent Bloggers Exploit Their Children For Personal Gain? Yoouuu Betcha! –
I Met Amy Adams and Pussied Out Like a Punk Bitch
- Yo Mama Reads Alltop! –
Fuck Yeah! Guy Kawasaki Likes Me
- ARRRRRGH! –
FUUUUUCK!
- 10 Hours –
Get Me a Fucking Drink
- Not Your Father’s “Dad” –
So This Post Sucks Ass. It’s My First One. Fuck You Very Much.
And here are some posts I would have written if I cursed on my blog:
“To All You Shitwads Who Think Dads Can’t Parent, Fuck You”
“To All You Shitwads Who Serve As Examples of Why Dads Can’t Parent, Fuck You Even More”
“Shit, my 15th College Reunion is Coming Up, and The Only Update I Could Send For the Alum Book Was I Have a Dad Blog. Fucking Harvard Grad FAIL.”
“The Internet is Fucking Me Up. Why Can’t I Leave a Reservation Under BusyDad?”
“Fuckin A. I Love Being a Dad.”
“Maria Rocks”
{ 44 comments }
