*I want to be Avitable when I grow up. I want to not wear pants and have my own line of condoms and hang out with Miss Britt all day. The only thing is though – he doesn’t eat fried chicken. Like, he’s never eaten fried chicken. Ever. And I’m 1/2 black and was raised in the South, folks; I need my fried chicken. So, I guess I’ll have to settle for borrowing Avitable for a guest post instead of being him. *
Hi. I’m Avitable. This is a picture of me:
I know, I know. The first thing you’re thinking is that I totally look just like Maria. We get that a lot! People mix us up constantly, and to be frank, it’s pretty awesome. We can switch places and do so all the time. She goes to work for me, I watch her kids for her, and nobody notices the difference! So, in order to capitalize on this, here are 10 additional ways that Maria and I are similar:
10. Maria is 24 and has two beautiful daughters that she loves. I was at one point 24 and have two high school students locked in my basement that I love.
9. Maria grew up a poor black child, just like Steve Martin. I am pale and kind of awkward, just like Steve Martin.
8. Maria was asked to speak at BlogHer. I was asked to keep 100 meters away from anyone attending BlogHer.
7. Maria doesn’t believe in regrets. I don’t believe in shame.
6. Maria’s name means “Mary of the Rosary” and she was named after the Virgin Mary. My name means “A Mary who Loses his Anal Virginity in Prison.”
5. Maria’s voting for Obama because he’s the best candidate. I’m voting for Obama because he’s very articulate.
4. Maria was born in Compton. I drove really quickly through Compton once.
3. Maria got kicked out of a mommy group for expressing her opinion and she was furious. I got kicked out of a PTA meeting for furiously masturbating.
2. Maria thinks Jonathan Rhys Meyers is hot. I think Jonathan Rhys-Davies is hot.
1. Maria has quite a set of balls and exposes liars and fakes constantly. I have quite a set of balls and expose them constantly.
Do you see now? We’re practically identical twins!
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