My head hurts just watching it. And the language that she is using towards her child -- I mean, I curse around my girls but I don’t curse AT my girls. All of it is just indicative of a bad situation. That mother needs parenting classes, among other things.
I flagged this video on YouTube months ago. Apparently, they don’t think this is wrong or cruel or disgusting. So, I’m asking you -- do you think this is child abuse? If you do, I suggest you flag it as well. If you don’t, pleaseeeeeeeee tell me what your thoughts on it are.
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November 10, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I watched 30 seconds. Deplorable.
I’m flagging as well.
The language might be a bit much, but what works in one household might be different from another. It seems to me that if the child would actually sit still and let her brush her hair, it wouldn’t have been such an issue.
I flagged it. I agree with Adam that what works in one household might be different from another, but that was too much.
Plus her curls were beautiful. Sigh.
Flagged. That is sickening.
I thought it was the same as Adam until she told her child to “shut yer goddamn fuckin’ mouth”.
No matter how hard it is to get a child to sit still to brush their hair, you don’t need to yank them around by their skull like that.
Frig, if I had to go through that shit, they’d have their head shaved.
I couldn’t even watch all of it. It’s cruel most definitely! How is the child suppose to sit still if it hurts?? If someone was yanking on my hair like that you can be sure I’d make a run for it. My daughter’s hair is tangled up all the time, and if you hold the hair and brush the ends first, it pulls less on their head. The mom didn’t even attempt to try and make it less painful for her child. Its not SERIOUS child abuse, but cruel nonetheless. The language is just uncalled for as well. Parenting classes STAT.
I couldn’t make it through the first few seconds of it. How horrible!
i couldn’t even watch it past 10 seconds. yuk. flagged
Elaine’s right. A loving mother makes it easier on the child, not harder. That is not how you brush long hair of any texture, and I can only imagine how much more painful it is when your hair is curly. That’s appalling. To heap emotional abuse (by laughing at the girl’s pain and screaming) and verbal abuse on top of the pain virtually ensures you’ll raise a child who is unfeeling and capable of inflicting pain like that on others. Disgusting. I flagged it.
Poor kid. That made me sick.
I think that kid was probably putting on a show. I’m not convinced that the child was actually being hurt. Not that the mother’s actions were justified whatsoever. One of my nieces throws a screaming crying fit when she has to have her hair rinsed. She’s perfectly fine in her bath until that point and then she just flips out. I think it’s a power struggle. Of course, my sister would never behave like that woman. I mean, parents are supposed to be the adults in the situation. That woman was obviously not.
Abuse? I don’t think it really rises to that level. But it’s definitely bad parenting.
I teach parenting classes, and I agree, the woman could use them. We get a lot of moms who speak cruelly to their children, and it’s usually a result of frustration and lack of skill on the part of the parents. They get angry, have unrealistic expectations of what behaviors their children should be capable of (like being shocked that toddlers grab things), and never had good parental role models themselves, coming from households rife with abuse and addiction. It’s awful to watch that video. The good news is, in the right environment, skills can be taught to parents so they can handle things better, and in a surprisingly short amount of time. They are desperate to do better, and though it seems incredible to those of us who have some idea of how to parent, they have no idea how, and are afraid of looking weak, so they continue to act cruel.
For those of you who say the child was overreacting or who are men and haven’t had your hair brushed that way, all I can say is that it is EXCRUCIATING to have your hair yanked and pulled by a hairbrush. I have very long, naturally curly hair. I cannot even brush it dry because it hurts when the tiny snarls get caught and pulled so hard the hair breaks or pulls out of your head. As a child, I too was pulled back and even thwapped on the head with the brush for trying to escape the torture.
That video is abuse.
November 10, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I think it hurt. I think it hurt like hell. I have curly hair, not quite as coarse as hers but still super thick and curly. Detangling it is the worst thing ever. You HAVE to comb it out from the ends. If there’s a tangle higher up, you hold the hair tightly in one hand and comb it out so that you’re not pulling the root, just the hair extending from your hand. Otherwise, each tug feels as if you’re ripping hair out of your head and sometimes you are. It hurts! I promise. I’m tender headed, so it’s excrutiatingly for me. My grandmother was super gentle with me growing up. Years and years of doing my hair and other girls’ hair with a texture like the girl in the video and she NEVER did anything like what was shown becuase it would be knowingly inflicting pain. That little girl was probably acting a fool because that hurt. If she was throwing a tantrum (which she was) it was probably because that’s how that woman always does her hair and she doesn’t know any other way to show how hurt and angry she feels. They obviously thought it was amusing that she was having that fit.
My girls’ have fairly straight hair with a bit of curl. When there are tangles I take my time and do it right because unlike this woman: I get no pleasure in their pain. I would do all I could to prevent it, I definitely wouldn’t exacerbate it.
(forgive any typos, I’m on my phone!)
i wish i hadn’t watched that. :(
Damn.
First: Why did they even tape that? WTF? It was stupid.
Second: Why was that lady yanking that girl around and ripping tangles out of her hair? She seemed to get some kind of weird satisfaction from it.
Third: I do think that kid was being an absolute nut. I didn’t see any tears from her – just sheer aggression and screaming. Maybe the kid acts like that all the time, gentle or not. A lot of kids do.
Fourth: Yeah – mom needs to stop talking to her kids like a gutter whore.
I am not sure what to think, but it was disturbing. Also, for all that trouble, wouldn’t you at least braid her hair or put it in pigtails or something, so there wouldn’t be as many tangles next time? Which brings me back to my first point – what was the point in that video?
GAH.
November 10, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Yes. Totally. My kid, immediately after a bath, with stick straight hair and ample amounts of detangler in there, freaks the fuck out when I come toward her with a wide-toothed comb. She’s never had a tangle after a bath, ever. And I pretty much don’t comb it the rest of the time, and we don’t use a brush at all, so…basically, any scarring that could have made her act like that would be from, like, twice when there’s been food in.
But god, I can’t imagine ever being able to talk to Zoë like that and not feel like the biggest asshole ever.
in regard to kids acting out whether it does or doesn’t hurt: I can tell you for a fact that I acted a complete and utter fool when getting my hair combed as a kid and my hair is curly, but was nowhere near that thick and is not coarse at all. lol
That’s a shame. Her mother should KNOW better since her hair is probably of the same texture. She needs to section her hair off, spray in some detangler, and brush it GENTLY. Right up there with the mamas who perm their infant’s hair because it ain’t straight enough. Disgusting.
fuck, that is awful.
that person cackling and laughing isn’t helping the matter either.
I think it is easy to pass judgment on others. Something has to be really literally abusive for me to place that label on it when it comes to kids because I’ve seen the other side: what happens to kids when they are removed from their family, which often amounts to systematic child abuse. Is that the way I brush my kid’s hair? no. but my kid’s hair is not nearly that thick and coarse. why isn’t her daddy brushing her damn hair? maybe she’s single, doing everything on her own and stressed. maybe that’s the way her mother talked to her and she feels that she turned out just fine. maybe she doesn’t give a fuck what the rest of world thinks about her parenting since they don’t have to raise her kids. there are a million things that I would find useful to discuss with or ask her if she was sitting here in my face. but I don’t judge her any more than I judge my friend who is OCD and has wrapped her four year old in bubble wrap since birth. I think either extreme COULD be harmful to a child, but you can’t predict the likelihood of that without taking the whole scenario in context. I’m sure that the same folks judging that video would be just as disdainful of her letting the child walk around looking like a whoop with her hair matted to her head.
I flagged it too. My grandmother was never gentle with us and as a result I started off doing my sister’s hair the wrong way. And she was tenderheaded. I felt horrible even though I was 8 years old at the time. I still feel bad about that and it was over 20 years ago. That actually hurt just watching it.
My main problem is the laughter at her antics and the VIDEOTAPING of it and posting on YouTube. What the hell? Despite the fact that she told her to hold the fuck still and called her fucking this and that over and OVER, the taping of it is what is the worst.
My eldest has long and curly hair. By the end of 8 hours, he has hair that is in dreadlocks. Literally. If we forget to brush it before bed? Horrendous. Some of the days I have had to brush my 10 year old’s hair have ended in me holding his hair in one hand and brushing it with the other while he cries and cries… Oy. BUT. He’s 10. And he tries to get them out himself first. And he accepts the pain involved because he chooses the long hair. If that little girl is always this wild for every hair brushing? She needs a very short hairdo. And a family that doesn’t laugh at her.
What was the purpose of video taping this and then posting it? Is she TRYING to have her kids taken away? Not cool.
You ought to need a license to become a parent. I agree that each household runs itself in different ways, but that will not mold this young impressionable mind in a positive way. Gross. Flagged.
There is no substitute for education.
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