I used to be a pothead. Before J. and I made the decision to conceive Bella, I smoked marijuana every single day, for over a year. After we’d made that decision, I quit, cold turkey. I let my system clear out for a few weeks and then we starting trying to have a baby. For years, I didn’t touch a stick, stem, leaf or seed of anything. But it damn sure wasn’t because it was wrong. I just wasn’t interested in doing it anymore.
I read a lot of mommy blogs, and I follow many mommies on Twitter. They are my community; I love them. I’ve come to find that really, the good ones? Are completely entertaining and relate-able and always give me something to think about or fawn over or smile because of. And it seems that right now, wine is all the rage.
“The kid is driving me insane with his tuba practicing! Ready for bed so I can break out the vino!”
“Baby’s finally down for the night. About time! I got a bottle of red waiting for me!”
“A glass of wine or two helps me sleep – better than any Ambien!”
“8pm!!! WINE TIME!!! Get your glasses out ladies! I’m sharing!”
“…and the day was so stressful that all I could think about during the parent teacher conference, as my son’s teacher raved about his excellent use of color in his rainbow drawings was the box of zinfandel in my fridge and how grand it would be when I could finally finish it off.”
Ok. That’s fine, right? Have your wine you gorgeous almost alcoholics – you deserve it. Parenting is a hard job.
But you know what really grinds my gears*? The fact that if I were to say something like:
“This day has been hell. The girls are in bed, and I’m heading outside to take a few hits off this blueberry kush that’s been begging me to light it up all day. Peace!”
These same perpetually bragging about being buzzed or tipsy or drunk women would turn their nose up, judge my parenting and wag their little fingers at the audacity I have to do that, let alone say it online.
BlogHer’s coming up. Let me ask you – how many of you have announced that you’ll be getting drunk as a skunk? And thinking I’m a total oddball for not partaking in the drinking? Mmhmm. Now, how many of you would think negatively of me if I said ‘don’t worry about me not being drunk – I’ll be high’? Mmmhmmm.
So, let me ask this question: what is the difference (besides the illogical and completely stupid illegality) between you drinking some fermented grapes and inhaling the fumes of a burning plant?
I’ll answer, it was rhetorical: there isn’t one. There is absolutely no difference. Not one. Not. One.
But, I have to say that the entire new culture of wine drinking moms annoys me. It’s like…a fad, you know? And it’s such crap. The whole 40’s housewife martinis and wine gag is just lame. A few years ago? There were no mommy blogs with titles that referred to drinking. Now, you’d be hard pressed to go through a blogroll and NOT find one. Because it’s…cool? I don’t fucking know, it’s something. There’s a reason why it seems every mom in the blogosphere drinks wine instead of beer, isn’t there? No one would call you a bad mom for saying you were having a corona, right? But yet, you rarely hear that. It’s always a glass of wine. I’m not the only one that picks up on the phoniness. I know it.
Now I realize that whole paragraph sounds pretty bitchy. I can’t help that. I’m not saying that if you are a blogger that happens to be known to be a drinker or anything that you’re a part of the fad or whatever – I’m just saying that there is one. And if you’re not a part of it, I’m sure you’ve noticed it, probably a lot more so than I do, since it rings the similarity bell, yes?
Where’d this whole blog post come from? Well, it came from a tweet I saw a few months ago (I’m slow, shush!) from someone blasting some woman she knew or didn’t know or whatever for smoking pot and basically called her mothering into question because of that ‘filthy habit’. This same woman tweeted pretty frequently about her fondness for red wine.
The hypocrisy, it boils my blood. The fact that one is so widely accepted and the other so widely rejected bothers me. And the fact that 1/2 of the issue it’s all just a guise, an effort to be ‘in’ is troublesome.
I’m not doing my best to get my point across right now, and I’m covering two different points that should be in two entirely different posts, probably, so I’ll just sum it up with this: I were to name my blog Beer Pong Champ Mommy or Marijuana Matriarch, I’d have fire and brimstone raining down upon me. Because that wouldn’t be very motherly. Or classy. Or…appropriate.
That’d be too much, too honest, too real, too not smoke and mirrors.
It’s all about perception.
And that’s just another way of saying it’s all about bullshitting.
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Listening to: James Morrison – Call The Police
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July 13, 2009 at 12:17 am
Completely unrelated…. You follow Sesame Ellis? She was the 1st flickr contact I ever had. LOVE her photos.
Touche!
I tweet about wine – but also about cocktails if I’m having one of those instead, in the spirit of full disclosure rum and coke is my drink of choice. And yes, I’ve noticed the trend. I personally pick wine over beer because beer makes me sicker than a dog the next day. But if I have the ingredients on hand, I pick a cocktail over a glass of wine almost any day.
All that aside I have a good friend who tokes and yes, I’m against her (and her husband) doing so because they have a son. Now just let me say first of all that I completely agree with you it’s a ridiculous law and the shit should just be legalized. I’m not saying there’s no double standard and I can see how it stings for those that would prefer a joint over a drink. (personally weed makes me all fucked up, I’ll stick with a drink – but again that friend of mine is the exact opposite she’d be MUCH better off with a joint)
BUT in the meantime, until it is (if it’s ever) legalized I’m against parents smoking it. Like I said not because I think it’s wrong on principle, but because of the ramifications if they were caught. If something happens to a relative far away or at the neighbors and a cop comes to my door after I’ve had a glass of wine I don’t risk losing my kids. If one of the girls wakes up in the middle of the night and needs to be taken to ER I can have someone drive us there and I am not going to be in trouble for having a drink. If I had a joint instead? Big, big problems could arise and my children would be affected. I just don’t agree with the risk parents take on when they do that. It’s not, at this point in time, worth it imo. It’s irresponsible to risk all that over something so silly. And it is silly, it should be legal – it shouldn’t be an issue. But it’s not legal and so it is an issue. A big one.
I have no idea if I’m making sense, but I hope so.
July 13, 2009 at 2:22 am
I totally agree with you Diana. The risk it could pose to you and your family, legally, is pretty much the only reason I think it should be (and is) an issue. And as long as it’s illegal, it will be so I totally get why someone would be against any parent taking that risk.
**For the record, you could drug test me right now and I’d be clean. And I’m not saying that I will or will not or do or do not smoke weed anymore. Disclaimer over. lol**
I am clearly not following the right people on Twitter because I’ve never seen anyone call out another poster’s parenting. In my Twitterverse, we’re all hugging and licking each other.
But yes, good point. I’ve been part of the mommy blogging-drinking thing ever since I started blogging (and before!) and I wonder sometimes why. It is a trend. After a day of taking care of our kids, we need a vice. And we need to vice-drop with our friends. Drinking is part of the mommy uniform.
And I love beer. Which feels weird to type before 6 am.
Hahahaha!!! Totally agree with you- those “wine references” as Mommy wind downs are so often just crap that writes good! How about if we all just play afternoon poker for oxy’s or vicodins or any other Mother’s Little Helpers? No? Not suburban Mom enough? Better to be the drunk mom than the one making homemade cookies and cupcakes to squash those munchies? I think not!!!!!
On the other hand, a blog called “Marijuania Matriarch” certainly would have had me subscribing pronto!
Miller lite in a can.
And now I’m supposed to say something like “thankyouverymuch” because that is what vino moms do.
You know? if I am at a party and someone has a joint? I toke.
I know it’s illegal and all of that, but it is a misdemeanor to partake and it’s not like I do it when there is any risk of my kids being alone with an intoxicated parent.
I also have a six pack of bitch beer in the fridge, oops I had one after dinner this weekend, make it a five pack.
I think that the legality issue is just one more indication of the puritan nature of our society and the stupidity of it being illegal is just a symptom of our culture unable to let people govern themselves no matter how much they scream about ‘big government is bad’
And as a grown ass woman I think excess on either substance is not a good thing and hold both of them equal in my mind.
Now I wait for pitch forks and torches right?
I know what you mean. It’s like how I read about these people killing midget Filipino hookers and burying them in their backyard and I go and kill one midget Filipino housecleaner and now everybody’s all up in my grill and shit.
I hate wine but love me some rum shots. That’s right, I roll with a different crowd. Fuck hoity toity wine, in my area it’s either beer or hardcore liquor.
P.S. I live in a rural area if you didn’t know. LOL
Dood. You’re harshing my buzz. ;)
Out here in the sticks we have a serious H and oxy epidemic. A toke here and there is the LAST thing anyone’s worried about.
I would be upset if you announced you were smoking because it’s against the law, and some panties-in-a-bunch, overly-sensitive whistle blower will call CPS on you so fast.
In a vacuum, though, I don’t see the difference between a glass of wine and a joint at all (in fact, I’m *seriously* altered by two glasses of wine. Two joints, not so much. I’d be a much better mom a little high than a little drunk.)
Wine is much more “soothing” and sleepy-making (I don’t know the word) than beer, my drink of choice. I think that’s why wine is so popular. (I live in NYC)
the most awesome part of this is that your post showed up in my feed reader followed by an add for wine refrigerators – see, I told you it was awesome.
So, I’m all for people finding a way to unwind and relax when the kids are in bed – I do, however, have a problem with people that smoke pot or drink heavily in front of the kids or to such an extent as the kids have to step up and be the caretaker of the parent (not that you’d do such a thing, I think you’re an amazing and honest parent!). So uncork it or light it up, whatever floats your boat. Just don’t do anything if the only motivation is to be ‘in’ right now. That is so five minutes ago!
Hmph. I do not enjoy wine. I’ve tried it, I think maybe I’ve actually LIKED 2 very specific types. And yet, if I had a choice? Jack & Sprite all day long. I just say I’m not *sophisticated* enough to drink wine.
I don’t judge err…much, I’ve tried smoking (curiosity kills all cats…LOL), but it’s just not for me. I don’t knock those that do though.
I think it’s a matter of picking your poison. Mine usually comes with ice and maybe a lime. Heh.
Luckily in Canada toking is not the huge deal that it is in the US – I don’t think it’s even illegal if you’re not selling. I’ve often been stumped by the attitude in the US against pot when drinking is glorified – makes no sense.
I like tranquilizers.
Marijuana has always been my drug of choice, drinking has too many side effects ( yes alcohol is a drug) and personally it impairs me more than a toke from a blunt. There is a complete double standard and one day our government will come to their senses and legalize it and make hundreds of billions of dollars in tax money LOL. Its no different than cigarettes or drinking, of course I dont know anyone who died from smoking weed!!
I totally prefer a person that is high on pot than a drunk who is angry. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a pothead that wants to have a fight.
I only ever used it a few times in high school and beyond. It ALWAYS made me fall asleep. What fun is THAT?
I am with Diana, though. It IS illegal and isn’t worth the ramifications it could cause to a parent and their kids. If you were to blog about using it, I’d be telling you to take that post DOWN because you are going to be reported faster than you can spell it. I really think that THAT is the big bias against marijuana, not the drug itself. There are lots of drugs I’d like to try out, if it didn’t mean that I would be committing a crime to purchase and then use them.
I totally hear you in this, even though I have been guilty of tweeting about drinking. Sometimes it’s wine, sometimes it’s a cocktail.
I personally don’t *like* beer, so I’m telling the honest truth when I say I’m having wine/cocktail. Usually only one, though.
As for pot, I have two older brothers who have been addicted since they were teenagers and their lives are train wrecks. This is why I have never tried (and will never try) pot.
Adam took the words right out of my mouth. Fucker.
Its so funny that after I had my first real experience with (a lot of) wine last night, I come up on this blog.
My aunt always told us coming up that “It’s not what you do, but HOW you do it.” I feel that holds true for a multitude of things. This subject especially.
Pot and alcohol are equal as far as I’m concerned. If anything, alcohol is worse if you’re an angry drunk or something, whereas I have yet to meet and angry stoner.
Also I live in Santa Cruz, where the police do not prosecute for such crimes.
You know my thoughts. The wine will give you a killer headache, rot your liver, and eventually kill you should you drink enough.
Weed will make you gain 10 lbs.
*sigh*
I tweet occasionally about drinking wine, but I was a wine drinker (and collector) loooooong before I was a blogger or a tweeter.
That being said, I live in Vancouver. Um, hello? Pot capital of North America. There is a public “smoke-in” every year on the lawn of the art gallery.
I don’t have a problem with “soft” drugs like pot or alcohol if the person doesn’t have an addiction problem. Any drug (caffeine, nicotine, sugar, alcohol, THC, etc) is a problem if you can’t get by without it. Some just have more serious consequences than others.
I don’t do either, so I can still be self righteous, right?
Yep, the judgment difference is likely tied to the legality difference, even though pot tends to be less dangerous than alcohol in plenty of ways. Ditto Diana above and your response to her. Other than that, no judgment here.
I do hope I get to see you pre- or mid- BlogHer!
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