“You look like mommy.”
“WHA’? I do not look like you!”
“Yes, you do Bella.”
“I’m not brown!” she sneers
my heart hurts for our future
“You still look like me…”
“No I don’t!” she shouts
and stamps her foot in anger
“Yes. Just a little lighter.”
“I’m…I’m…I am pink!”
She looks smug; pink is better
Where did this come from?
I’m at a loss now
will she be ashamed of me?
will she come to terms?
Half white, Quarter Black
and a quarter Mexican
Very far from pink.*
She’s only four though
I’ll explain it when she’s five,
maybe she’ll get it. **
[*By pink, she meant white.]
[**Yes. Avoidance. You try dealing with this.]
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The more she sees you being happy to be you, the more she will learn to be happy being her. That means: You have to OWN your own beauty.
April 25, 2008 at 10:37 pm
@love bites: Oh I KNOW I look good. :p She tells me I’m beautiful, constantly. She just doesn’t want to be brown, for some reason.
Maybe it was more about her trying to show her independence from you. Wanting to be her own person.
That is a fabulous picture. You are both gorgeous!
April 25, 2008 at 10:37 pm
@Kathryn: I hope it’s something similar to that. And thank you. :D Impromptu webcam shot.
When my brother was that age he insisted that he was white (both of our parents are black). He’d look in the mirror and say “I’m not black I’m white!”
She does look like you. Pink or not, LOL.
April 25, 2008 at 10:38 pm
@Angelika: My little brother did that too!! Well, we had different fathers, and he was very angry for a long time that his father was black and mine wasn’t. So he just decided that he’d be white. *lol*
Ahhh, don’t worry. She does look like you, and you are both gorgeous. Miss M once said my hair was blue. (It’s not. I promise.) I know it’s a little different in that there’s such a huge and scary history to ‘colour’, but she will learn from you that beauty comes in all colours and that people are people. Hug.
April 25, 2008 at 10:38 pm
@Jo Beaufoix: That is one of the most important things she can learn, because anything else will only epitomize self-hate for someone so very mixed. :)
there is NO way to comment here without sounding pervy.
Neither of you have ANYTHING to worry about.
April 25, 2008 at 10:38 pm
@Xbox4NappyRash: :D
Wow, she does look exactly like you! How cute! Well if it’s one thing I’ve learned about kids, it’s that they are very literal. Skin color is the easiest thing to discern. See, the beauty of this whole exercise is that to her, there’s no value to skin color. It is what it is. Period. And that is why I love kids.
April 25, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Do you think she does? I must admit that most of the time I don’t see it, but everyone else does.
I wish that skin color was devalued for adults as well. ;-(
That picture is gorgeous.
I agree with Kathryn, sounds like she’s proclaiming her independence from you. Independence learned from her mommy no doubt!
April 25, 2008 at 10:39 pm
@Honeybell: I hope so…
and thank you, too. :)
When my father spoke around my friends I’d cry.
Weep really.
Because his German accent was so strong and it made us so very different.
I don’t know what you do but I suspect you’ll get it right.
April 25, 2008 at 10:41 pm
@Sue Doe-Nim: I hope I do. :)
beautiful photo. you are BOTH gorgeous.
she will come to see that in time.
April 25, 2008 at 10:41 pm
@the planet of janet: Thank you, Janet.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this very subject lately, since my very white sister and her very white husband just adopted an adorably cute and wonderfully sweet very black baby. But I’ve come to the conclusion…all we can do is love him and let him know that he’s perfect just how he is. I know you’ll do the same. She’ll be okay. She’s beautiful, btw.
April 25, 2008 at 10:42 pm
@Karen C.: You’re right, that’s really all you can do. There will be struggles, but you kind of just have to roll with the punches.
It’s a good thing- when she gets older & a pain in the ass teen, you can say “But you don’t look like me, so maybe I’m not your mom! Why don’t you go find HER?!”
Uh.. did my own problems with kids just come out in that comment? hmm.. Hopefully Bella won’t ever be a pain in the ass(you can dream, anyway)..
Great Haiku, btw.
April 25, 2008 at 10:42 pm
@Nissa: LMAO. You are a nut.:D
Very literal comment. Have to love the innocuous comments from kids which drive us crazy! She is crazy about you, and if someone else told her she looked like you, she would be proud. It’s just the mommy/daughter tension…sigh…you have so much to look forward to in 10 years… :-)
April 25, 2008 at 10:43 pm
@Anonymous: She gets a lot of ‘you’re beautiful like your mommy’ and she loves that. But I think it’s the beautiful part. She’s pretty vain. LOL
She is gorgeous… you too. She will embrace who she is and where she comes from one day, and will thank you for it.
April 25, 2008 at 10:43 pm
@Tara R.: Thank you. :)
Great haiku for today. Sometimes I’m really glad I don’t have kids. Like when they say stuff like that, or ask where babies come from. Ack.
April 25, 2008 at 10:43 pm
@Jen @ The Cubicle’s Backporch: LOL! It can get a bit difficult.
you’re not brown, she’s not pink, you both are beautiful.
April 25, 2008 at 10:43 pm
@Leendaluu: Awww! That’s very John Lennon of you. LOL
You are both beautiful, she’s just taking things literally. I know that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
April 25, 2008 at 10:44 pm
@Natalie: Eh, I’ll get over it. I hope she does too. :)
Damn, I don’t know how to comment on this. There’s a part of me that wants to make you laugh about it (like “and did you smack her for that?”), but I don’t know if you’re ready. There’s a part of me that wants to reassure you that it’ll be okay, she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but I don’t want to belittle your feelings. There’s a part of me that wants to try and tell you I get it, but I don’t want to sound patronizing. So I’ll do what you did on one of my rants: :(
April 25, 2008 at 10:44 pm
@April: Sometimes :( is all there is to say. :)
Oh, that’s heart breaking. Where did she get the idea that “pink” is better? Hopefully your consistent good example will show her the error of her judgment.
April 25, 2008 at 10:44 pm
@cablegirl: I have no idea. TV maybe? But she only watches Nick and Noggin, so I don’t know…
At least she’s asserting herself, which will be great later on.
The only thing you can do is let her know how much she’s loved, “pink” or not.
April 25, 2008 at 10:36 pm
@Karlena: I hope that self assertion is more positive in the future, once she understands better the societal differences between ‘colors’. :)
Beautiful girls in this post.
She’s just young and noticing the subtle differences. I think she will most certainly get it as she grows older … and I’ll bet she’ll only wish she looked more like you.
Hugs Maria.
April 25, 2008 at 10:35 pm
@Karen MEG: I hope she gets it. I know she’ll need instruction from us, but hopefully – she learns that being ‘brown’ is not a bad thing.
I don’t think that it was about “pink” or “brown.” I think that it was just about being right.
April 27, 2008 at 8:06 pm
No, she meant it exactly as it sounded.
;-(
I don’t have any kids, but I don’t think she meant any harm by it.
(on a side note, you two are cute!)
April 27, 2008 at 8:07 pm
She’s too innocent to have meant malice, but I wish I knew where this was coming from…
In reading the other comments, I can’t help but feel that many of them are an attempt to whitewash (pun intended) the issue and minimize your concerns. Your initial instincts sound dead on……and the desire to put off dealing with it is not out of bounds. I have faith that you won’t let that dog lie forever……
I don’t have faith that every parent of multi-ethnic children is capable of raising a child who has a balanced view of themselves. but I have faith in you
*wink*
April 27, 2008 at 8:08 pm
I agree with you.
and thank you.
(F)
She does look a lot like you.
Both beautiful!
April 27, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Thank you. :)
With you as her mother, I am certain she will get it!
April 27, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I hope so. :-)
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